I don’t really feel like doing a reflection on 2021. I sorta did that on my other blog. Alongside my contentment is the unease that is inevitable because of the weird times we live in. But deeper, and stronger, is the resolve to live with integrity, to open myself up to grace and transformation.
Tuesday, 28 December 2021
Send off to 2021
I don’t really feel like doing a reflection on 2021. I sorta did that on my other blog. Alongside my contentment is the unease that is inevitable because of the weird times we live in. But deeper, and stronger, is the resolve to live with integrity, to open myself up to grace and transformation.
Sunday, 12 December 2021
December (not so) randomness
Tuesday, 30 November 2021
You are the entertainment
Friday, 29 October 2021
Seven
Thursday, 7 October 2021
Thankful 2021
- Beautiful autumn weather. We have had weeks of mild temperatures and intense blue skies, often with a translucent moon shining in them. These were a backdrop for fall oranges and reds and pinks as the leaves turned. Some years we get barely a week of colours before there is a frost or snowstorm or gale. This year, we got about 3, which is the longest autumn can plausibly last in this part of the world. Maybe even another week or two of crisp beauty.
- Autumn is AJ’s season and she is turning….7! She is beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful and full of positive life force (most days). We held her birthday party a few weeks early to be able to be outside and not freezing. It was an amazing success. We went to a farm themed play park and the kids had a beautiful afternoon. I felt privileged to be able to spread some happiness:
- Participation! The kids are taking Ukrainian dance and swim lessons, and AJ is taking piano. So far, pretty good. They both love dance, and AJ loves swimming. Dani has been reluctant to participate in her swim lessons. I think most of the reason probably is that she has not even seen a pool in two years and had a chance to splash and play. So she really only wants to do that and doesn’t probably see the point of lessons. She did get in the water with her group the last week so maybe she will develop more of an interest yet.
- Partnership: school has been a little more stressful this year, for a variety of reasons. But lots of good things happening too. We have been working with local businesses to bring in piecework projects for our students, so that they develop their vocational skills. It’s a win-win: we help out someone in our community, and our students get to work on something from the “real world” which they enjoy, and get the acknowledgement and appreciation for it. I personally thrive on the connection with the bigger community. I want people outside school to understand and value what is going on in our program. I challenge myself to talk enthusiastically about our goals and achievements and partnerships with anyone who shows an interest. It may just be a moment of connection and positivity, and give me practice in being an advocate for our students, which is great. Or maybe it turns into more.
- Family! Of course without the foundation of sanity in our household I doubt any of what I described above would be possible. Mr Turtle and I try to be available and open to each other (and the kids) to process and work through whatever crazy stuff is going on in the world. It’s a constant challenge.
- Clarity. How would I say this. There are ways to be grateful for difficulties, and I’ve tried over the years to articulate them. Right now the words that come to mind are gratitude for perceiving what deeply matters. What do I most need to pay attention to? I need to pay attention to my thoughts and my focus, first of all. I can physically feel the change in my body and mind when my focus shifts from one thing to another. So I try bring mindfulness to all my thoughts about what’s going on in the world and other people. If I feel tension, lack of control or resentment, I try to shift attention immediately. This may give the impression I’m disconnected sometimes (I am not sure). But what it helps me to do is stay connected and engaged when it really matters. It doesn’t matter that I know every piece of news about Covid or every (or any) strange thing people are saying on social media. What does matter is that I am mostly healthy and functional and that I can be there for the people around me when they need it. This realization has really helped me to cut through the fog in my head and out of it and engage (as much as possible) in a way that works for me and others. Nothing is perfect, but it could be so much more chaotic.
Aj’s drawing
Dani’s tower
Classroom Life Star…..with life!!
Wagon ride at AJ’s party.
Sunday, 19 September 2021
Pause
Sunday afternoon AJ, Dani and I were at one of our favourite parks/playgrounds. We call it “The Secret Playground” because it is tucked into a grove of trees at the end of a street and you could miss it completely if you don’t know it is there. I love it because it feels like you are in a forest meadow. There are tall evergreen trees, small fruit trees, and tangles of lilacs as well as playground equipment. The kids love all of it, often disappearing into greenery or up trees when they are done with the playground. You can always hear birds and often spot a woodpecker. These mild autumn days, the sky is a stunning blue above.
When I got home, I ordered stationary that said “Gilda Radner” and “Mr and Mrs Radner.” I was uneasy for a while trying to figure out when to be Gilda Radner, thr TV star, when to be Gilda Radner, a brand new person, when to be Mrs Gene Wilder, the wife of the international movie star, and when to be Mrs G. Wilder, just another blushing bride.
I decided I could be them all.
I bought one of those ovulation kits where you are the scientist. You have to catch some of your first urine of the morning in a cup, mix with some powder, wait ten minutes, mix something else, wait ten minutes, mix with another thing, wait a half hour, dip a stick into the mixture and match it up with a colour chart to see whether it is blue or green or yellow. The kit costs about eighty dollars for one cycle. I didn’t tell Gene I was doing this. He was already wondering about my sanity.
Thursday, 26 August 2021
Looking ahead
- Music in the park on Wednesdays! Our local historical park, a beautiful location (and the setting of our wedding 11 years ago) hosted a free outdoor concert every week this summer. We went to many and what an awesome opportunity it was. I knew that the absence of live music was affecting me but I couldn’t fully grasp the extent of that loss until I was there in the moment and felt sanity and goodwill wash over me. I would prepare a picnic dinner and we would mosey off as soon as Mr Turtle came home from work. Sunshine (maybe a little rain), happy people, dancing, good food. It was the best.
- Camping! With a little improvisation. All the reservable campsites booked up in about 5 minutes this summer. We had made plans to go camping with friends and naively believed we could get a drop in site. No such luck. Instead of taking four very disappointed kids home again and unpacking everything we drove to our friends’ parents acreage and camped there. It felt a bit awkward initially but truthfully people are people and you get to know them best when you share some problem solving. The kids had a blast and the adults had fun too.
- Play dates! We did a fair number of these and it was great to see the kids have time with their friends and I enjoyed some great conversations too.
- Of course there were trips as family, picnics, that sort of thing. We did a couple of wonderful hikes. I like my high quality human contact and then I like to just see trees and sky sometimes too.
- AJ took sailing camp and loved it! I am now motivated to learn more myself and get our family more involved in our local sailing club next summer. Sailing was a big part of my family growing up so it feels like continuing a tradition. At least one other friend is also interested so who knows….maybe an all woman racing team one day. Hehe.
- We are ending the summer with a generous visit from my in laws who live in the states. They hadn’t been here for a year and a half so this is a privilege. The weather, which had been hot and dry for most of the summer, and smoky for a few weeks is currently my favourite weather. Sunny, a little bit rainy, and just warm, not hot. Perfect for park outings and drives where you can see for miles.
- Back at the same school with the same assignment and team (hurrah!) As far as the year and pandemic stuff….well who knows. For now “everything old is new again” as we have much the same behavioural requirements in school as we did last year, at least for the next month. Vaccinations appear to be having a positive effect but the recent news is less promising. Things change so fast. But there is a bit more flexibility in that students can play in band and sports, for example and hopefully we can do field trips and off campus work experience if we can arrange it. We’ll see. My mindset is very much “one week at a time” and “take opportunity as it comes.” I’m grateful for the people around me and whatever chance I have to contribute to my community.
- AJ goes into grade 2! Likewise hopeful that her school will continue to be a positive and nurturing environment for her, as it has been so far. Grandma pretty much took care of back to school outfits, and they go for haircuts tomorrow, so we are moving through the rituals…..I just have to assess the shoe situation.
- Activities: I am continuing with my Canadian step dancing class/community, whom I’m hugely grateful for. Hopefully we can do some performing this year….but it is what it is.
- I definitely want to join a church community but it is a super weird time to be doing it….so….who knows….it will happen somehow because I have no idea when anything won’t be….weird.
- Activities for the girls! They are going to take Ukrainian dance, swimming lessons and AJ will continue with music. Our weeks will be busier! However with the exception of AJ’s music I have arranged their activities on the same days (so one commute) and as close to home as possible. Again, with Covid…who knows how things will actually look but if you hadn’t noticed, I’m all about strong connections and communities and developing skills and resilience….so we will be rocking in the free world here, every day, every way we can.
Thursday, 12 August 2021
One Thursday morning
AJ reading Robert Munsch’s A Promise is a Promise.
Saturday, 24 July 2021
Dance with me daily
Wednesday, 7 July 2021
Summer bossoming
The wide view of one corner
Close up
Out of control strawberry patch, that never makes strawberries. (Whatever. It has fertility issues I guess.) Also rhubarb.
A shady corner. I would like to get a small bench for under the tree.
Along the fence. This edge is where the creeping bellflower is still trying aggressively to push through. I’m holding it back, but it’s hard to eliminate along the edge of the paper as it invades the grass. But a stalemate is better than a rout.
Monday, 28 June 2021
2020 to 2021: scool perspective
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The "Sc ool House" from Megamind |
So, we are wrapping up another academic year: 2020 to 2021. If spring 2020 blindsided everyone, then September 2020 to June 2021 was the school year everyone knew would be…different. That is something; it allowed for preparation anyway. Perhaps we didn’t know exactly what to prepare for but we could make a few reasonable guesses.
There were a lot of things that worried me about this school year, but by and large I took the attitude that having some opportunity to do good is much, much better than no opportunity. And I never doubted that I had some opportunity.
Actually, it turned out there was plenty of opportunity. Of course there were also arguments and strained nerves and stress and anxiety, because of the situation and because, well, people are people. But overall I feel very lucky to have landed where I did.
Here is an example of what we have literally and metaphorically grown this year.
In the fall I was trying to think of ways to get us outside as much as possible, for physical and mental health reasons. I came up with idea to plant some bulbs, which would then hopefully come up in the spring (which felt ages and ages away).
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Planting bulbs in the fall |
We found a neglected corner of an outside planter box and teachers and students set about weeding and planting bulbs.
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Our garden - ready to sleep all winter |
As we worked through the garden project and other shared initiatives, my co teacher and I became more and more comfortable working together. In terms of individual and collective resilience, we also found it wise to plan and teach closely. For example, if one of us was away from school unexpectedly the other was almost sure to be teaching both classes solo. (Substitute teacher coverage became increasingly poor as the Covid -19 waves impacted the city and its school system.) When the opportunity came up, we moved out of our separate classrooms into a big shared classroom.
I didn’t forget our garden through the long cold winter and its trials. I wondered if any shoots would come up at all. I thought there was a decent chance we’d get zero. But imagine my excitement when I saw several of these one day! One small success felt like it justified all the doubt and effort and was a promise for even better to come.
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It's ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!! First shoots in the spring |
After some more gardening and a lot of water hauling, we had a beautiful flower bed!
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Flower Garden after some spring TLC |
We are trying to teach people to call it a Life Star not a Death Star. |
Preferably with a little less pandemic-induced stress and anxiety |
Saturday, 26 June 2021
2020 to 2021: Family perspective
AJ completed Grade 1 this past week (!!!) and according to her and anyone else whose opinion matters, she had a great year. Dani turned 3 in January and was in preschool/daycare full time. She also made friends and became increasingly chatty and imaginative. She knows the letter D and thinks all D-words are her name.
AJ made great leaps in her reading and writing this year, and after reading her Writing Workshop compositions this week, I thought it would be fun to include a few of them to create a story about her school year.
I like to look at the snow. Look at the snow it is so pretty. |
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Halloween 2020 |
I like to bake cookies. Because they are yummy. |
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Peanut Butter Cookies |
I like to open presents. With my sister. |
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Christmas 2020 |
The unicorns are looking at the stars. And the rainbow. And the moon. They like looking in the night. |
The ladybug is walking on the sidewalk. She is looking at the sunset. She likes the sunset. |
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Road trip sunset |
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Dani - 3 years old |
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AJ - 6 years old |
I am learning a fun one. I go to music class. |
Then finally, there are creative works such as this:
All leviathans are different. This leviathan has tentacles and horns and wings. It has 4 wings. It breathes death fire. It eats ships and islands and mountains. Death fire is not ordinary fire. It is also poisonous and dangerous. It will burn you up and turn you into toast cover you in jam and somebody will eat you and die.
Sunday, 9 May 2021
Sewing
Lately I've been watching Bernadette Banner videos. She creates and recreates historical clothing and produces videos of the process. I had no previous interest in this subject, but lately have found her videos strangely compelling and addictive. Perhaps part of it is her persona: she is reminiscent of Rapunzel hidden in her tower and endlessly crafting ...and many of us have become a tad Rapunzel-like the past year and a half.
My sewing skills however are limited to making basic repairs and alterations, so I wasn't inspired to try any of her techniques. However, a recent video about lace insertion changed that.