Saturday 3 February 2024

Amigurumi and more

Herein, find a summary of December and January's crochet projects.

It's fair to say that these winter projects were dance-themed.

My current crochet interest is amigurumi , a Japanese word for small knitted or crocheted creatures. According to the ladies at the boutique yarn store where I sometimes indulge, I am not at all alone in this. The cotton yarn that is preferred for amigurumi flies off the shelves. Amigurumi have a distinctive "Hello Kitty" aesthetic - big head, small chunky body, small face - which makes them very cute and universally appealing.

The first, and most ambitious project I worked on was a doll that I donated to the the Malanka silent auction. I used this pattern from the designer Galena Veremeenko. I chose it because of the beautiful details, which from a creator perspective, are both the most challenging and rewarding aspect. I had to read the pattern carefully and often several times to make sure I wasn't forgetting some of the details, from the bead earrings on the doll's tiny ears to the dark green centres of the poppy headdress, from the embroidered detail on the dress to the dangling ribbons at the back. Some creators omit a few of the accessories, but I joyfully included them all.

Front view




Detail: poppy headdress



Back view

I started this project in December and finished it the first week of January. As I worked on my girl I had plenty of time to think about the significance of why I took on this project. I usually begin crochet projects on a whim. I wouldn't say I think much about it at all. I get an idea, then I search Etsy for a  pattern, and then if I find one I like I can't wait to get started. The spontaneity of it is partly why I enjoy it. I can just decide to create something and make it happen. It's a kind of superpower. But of course, once I commit to a project it feels different.  Time, effort and focus are required, and that means sacrifice. As I worked on the doll, I realized that it was at least partly a symbolic statement of what the dance organization has come to mean to our family, as well as a statement about how important it is for me to be accepted and acknowledged as a member of this group. As such, I of course had some butterflies about how the doll would be received, if she would attract attention at the silent auction, and so on.

All the time I was making the doll, I no qualms about giving her up, as that was always the intention. It wasn't right until I handed her over that I experienced some separation anxiety! After all, this was something that a lot of time and love had gone into. I was quite attached.

Happily, my girl was very well received. Everyone who got a look at her before the silent auction was very excited, and it caused some buzz even before the event. One of my dance classmates particularly had her heart set on her, and she got into a nice bidding war at Malanka. I'm not totally sure of the final bid, but it was at least $125 CND, which was quite satisfying. I also am happy that I have shared some of my other creative side with this community.

Of course, I couldn't make this doll and then not make something for my own daughters. The original plan was actually make to three dolls, keep two and donate one, but when I saw how much time was involved for the doll and how costly materials were, I nixed that plan. Instead, I created these teddy bears using another awesome but simpler pattern from Marizza Toys.

Ballerina bears

The colours of the outfits match AJ and Dani's practice outfits. I gave them their bears after they performed.  I put the finishing touches on the second bear in the car as we were driving to the hall to perform.

What's next for amigurumi? Well, I want to make another Ukrainian doll to keep. I'm not quite sure if I should make it look the same or add some customization. I'm half tempted to give her grey hair and a bun, and a slightly different outfit as an homage to my group of mature dancers. But I don't know, maybe that is a third doll. 

I also want to make a small green dragon as a gift for AJ's best friend. And then I'll still probably have a fair bit of yarn hanging around, so we will see.

I also like to have an easy project on the go, something repetitive that I can work on in bed while listening to a podcast. The moment when I crawl into bed is one of my favourite times of the day, not going to lie. Also in January, I completed this ballet shawl. The yarn is a soft synthetic, a very dark green that looks black in some lights, and forest-y in others. It is delightful to wrap around my waist before class or workshop on a winter day.




So, January was busy, but in a soulful way, I think. I need the experience of creating my life, not just reacting to what comes at me like a speeding train. Crochet is a way to call that meaning to me: it's tangible, intentional, and can be used to tighten family and community bonds. Not a bad way to start the year, at all.




Sunday 28 January 2024

365 official

I have known for a while that I was getting close to the official menopause marker. I stopped having regular periods at age 39 (five years ago, about a year after Dani’s birth). Not that I was ever particularly regular. After several months of no periods, hot flashes, bad sleep, etc, I saw my doctor who confirmed what was going on with blood tests. So since then I have been telling people I am in menopause but I would still (annoyingly) occasionally have something resembling a period. It was always very light, barely more than spotting.

But today I checked my fertility app (tucked away in the “extras” folder of my phone LOL) and behold!



I’m officially past the 365 day mark! Definitely in menopause!

I feel extremely lucky, so far. I hear so many horror stories from women my age or a little bit older, of constant heavy bleeding, pain, and other awful things. Whereas my fertility gracefully exited stage left after the second child.

I had an ultrasound not long ago that showed no problems anywhere, only a small calcified fibroid. A couple of years ago I saw a pelvic floor physiotherapist for a while. I have occasional hot flashes still. But none of this is an overly serious problem, and I can adapt with small lifestyle changes (i.e. dress in layers)

Nothing about the future is guaranteed, but for now I’m very happy with where my life is at. I love my children and that I had the opportunity to have babies. I also love that now all the energy that was going into fertility can now go into something else. That’s the way I think about it: it’s time to prioritize different things in life. 

Monday 1 January 2024

Happy New Year!

 I'm having a good time slowly adding bits to my New Year's Post on torthúil explores. Feeling grateful for all the people who inspire me to push the limits of what I can articulate.


Monday 18 December 2023

November/December redux

 Oof, here we are, winding down 2023.

I wanted November to be quiet. It mostly was. We all got sick with a nasty respiratory something mid-month. Other than that....

We have been very busy with activities, especially dancing. I waxed nostalgic today about my childhood memories; you can read that here.  Sometimes I get the urge to record things before they have slipped out of my consciousness and other people's, and my memories of my first ballet teacher feel like they are right on the edge of such a loss.  "Madame" has her place in history, but it feels like it won't outlast the people with living memories of her. Also that is why this will be a short entry. I feel like I have to write something before the end of 2023 but I already used up most of the creative energy.

December has been pretty simple, and should continue that way. The girls had their school Christmas concerts last week. Very cute. I did not video record them; I just watched and enjoyed the moment. We had a short visit from USA - mother-in-law this past weekend. Next weekend we are going to see The Nutcracker with our friends. I am looking forward to that. Other than that, no plans other than Christmas Day dinner with family, and whatever happens on my birthday the day after.

I think all the Christmas presents are bought. The cards are written, but have yet to be put into the post. Sometime this week. But apparently nobody else is any quicker than me, because we have only received two cards. Oh well. I am sending them anyway. I've sent Christmas cards for at least 20 years. Even though it's a lot of work, choosing not to send cards would involve making a decision and that feels like more work. 

No travel. I am grateful for opportunities to travel, but also grateful to....not. 

I am trying very hard to slow down this month and not pack every day with as many things as I can do until it bulges. Less bulgy days! I think I'm succeeding.

Some things are worth doing. I have a fitness membership (somewhat underused lately) and I had a birthday coupon this month. I invited a friend I don't see too often to come do something with me. She chose meditation. We did that last Friday. Sometimes I do something with/for a friend and it feels like I've really made a difference to them. It's a glorious warm feeling, plus the meditation was very well-timed.

We are missing the girls' last dance class because AJ has caught a minor (I hope) gastrointestinal something. But luckily I had my crocheted gift projects for the teachers done last week, so it doesn't matter much. Also, I wish kids' activities would end at the beginning of December. There's just so many other things to do; it would be nice if we had one less place to go on weeknights, and didn't have to worry about (not) practicing piano. My stepdance teacher (who teaches only adults) ended classes at the end of November. Brilliant. I love stepdancing but you know what, it's just nice to do less in December.

Oh well. It's not up to me and we made the choice for the kids to be involved in lots of stuff. It's still a good choice.

So far, this December is a helluva lot better than last year, which completely went off the rails. I don't even want to talk about it: writing out all the things that went wrong would give them too much energy, and I refuse to do that. But suffice it to say I have really good motivation to focus on health and mindfulness this year.

Crochet happiness:

One of the keychain shoes I made for the girls' and my dance teachers (unfortunately only photographed one of the them) This pattern is my own invention, and it's very easy once I figure out how to understand my own written instructions.



My interest this year is amigurumi

My ambitious project: a Ukrainian doll that will be a donation to January's silent auction (if it turns out: so far so good)



Next, I plan on making two ballerina bears for AJ and Dani, which are a somewhat simpler pattern, but still really cute.

My "going to bed" project, for myself: easy, comfortable and repetitive. Dark green triangular shawl.


Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.


Saturday 4 November 2023

October in the rear view mirror

My one wish for November (so far) is that it is quiet and boring.

October was not boring. The notable events:

Last summer AJ expressed a wish for a combined Halloween / birthday party. She felt very passionately about this so we agreed to embrace the project. It finally came to fruition the last weekend in October. We had Gothic lace, a big hairy spider with a strong resemblance to Dani, mini pumpkin painting, and an escape room in the basement with puzzles designed by Mr. Turtle.

Spiderweb lace:


How things looked before guests arrived:




How things looked after the party:



It was a great success. AJ said it was her best birthday ever and her friends enjoyed all the activities. The kids were great at socializing and nobody was left out. Some new friendships even appeared to form between guests. Having hosted parties at other locations and parties at home, I have to say there is something more friendly about home parties. You share something of yourself with your guests when they come to your home that you don’t share in other places. It was also exhausting. I’m not sure exactly when we will finish cleaning up, but maybe next week when we have some extra days off.

Also at the end of October: the new car was delivered. In the big picture of things, of course I was happy we could buy a new, reliable car, as my second hand 2006 car was coming apart bit by bit.  But I still wished I could have become the old lady driving her 40 year old car. I’m just not excited about change and leaving my comfort zone when it comes to cars.

But, though the first few drives were tense, I am (fingers crossed) adjusting to the new vehicle (a small SUV) and even liking it. It’s a cyborg car, which I’m not used to, but all the new features don’t seem too bad. I like the funny dramatic music it plays at the beginning and end of every drive. The lane assist and blind spot alarms make me feel like I’m driving with a nervous robot, but I’m a nervous person so we get along. My car is now in a relationship with my smartphone, which I don’t really see the point of, but humans are not consulted about these things. The most amusing feature is the  dashboard notification “The leading vehicle is driving away” which pops up if I don’t accelerate within a couple of seconds of the car in front. I laugh but we all know why this feature was invented, although I don’t text and drive.

Other events:
  • AJ passed another swim level
  • Dance and music classes continued. Girls appear to be enjoying themselves and so am I, mostly.  So far I’ve only missed 2 stepdance classes due to my illness or other people’s. I have a good time at my classes once I get there. But I sometimes dread the commuting.
  • At school, things have settled into a routine and the start-up work is completed. I’m very happy with my team and we are very organized and responsive to our group of learners. Students and teachers are learning and enjoying themselves, most of the time. What a difference from last year, when I had completely given up on collaboration and was reduced to asking for a work divorce. It makes a huge difference when the right people are in the right jobs.
  • The aches and pains I had during the summer finally seem to have gone away, and I feel pretty good in my body. Yoga might have helped. Exceptions: another bout of bronchitis, which has become annoyingly common (last one was beginning of the summer). Also, the darkening days of November make me want to find a warm hole to crawl into with a pile of snacks and just sleep.
  • Books/reading: I’m re-reading and enjoying Jennifer Homans’ history of ballet, Apollo’s Angels. This had to have been a very challenging project for her as it's not like there are recordings of ballets from centuries past, so she has to do a sort of combined social/political/artistic history and look at many facets of life and culture. But as a lifelong amateur dancer I relate to her writing: could easily be a whole other blog entry.
  • Media: I read several bloggers regularly, the most interesting of which avoid easy categorization. While not a blog, this recent article is an engaging analysis of the sort of topics that I typically read about, and goes some way toward explaining decisions I make in my own and my family's life. That is, in so far as such things are explainable (I think one should never over-estimate one's own or other people's power to explain anything).
  •  I’m also listening to my regular podcasts, but my most regular listening these days is the verse by verse reading of the Bible on The Whole Counsel of God. I have not had much success reading the Bible on my own but I really like the reading and commentary together in Fr. De Young’s enthusiastic, nerdy style.
  • It snowed a couple weeks ago and my streak of  getting the kids to school on time was broken. I will try to get back on top of it next week; between the party and the new car and coping with each day I had no extra energy and I was not giving up my ten minutes on the couch with a cup of coffee for love or money.
So, basically, it’s all good, but I’m going to aim to be under scheduled most weekends in November. Less plans, more spontaneity, just less in general. If that continues into December, I think I’m good with that too.

Tuesday 10 October 2023

And now it is October: ‘23

Autumn is so dazzlingly beautiful. We have been ignoring the yard work and enjoying the mellow weather and glorious colours.

AJ asked me: “Is there anything you don’t like about fall?” and all I could say is, It’s always too short.

Everything will be fading soon. Maybe it is already. But we are decorating for Halloween. And the day after the Halloween decorations go down, the Christmas lights will go up.

(By unspoken majority agreement on our street, there is no waiting to decorate for any holiday. Delayed gratification is not a thing. All the pumpkins, all the sparkle, all the ways to light the darkness.)





Friday 29 September 2023

That was September: short version

Well, we are back into the regular routine of things and maybe getting a hunch of how the rest of the year might shape up, whether you count that as the 3 months left of 2023 or the 9 months left of the academic year.

Seems like I’m often sick when I write in my blog, because that’s when I have the time and inclination to sit around writing. And this time is no exception. I think we had about a week of school before people started saying: “I / my child / my spouse / my students seem to have a scratchy throat/runny nose/headache.” Everybody made a heroic effort at denial and taking their Vitamin C. Well, I never got around to buying Vitamin C so I just doubled down on the denial.

But finally I took Thursday off and spent the day sleeping and watching Lord of the Rings. Today however Mr Turtle is also sick and it is a holiday (newly invented in Canada) so the girls are home. I’m doing a few chores, drinking large amounts of coffee and black tea to stay awake, and making a cursory effort to discourage the girls from taking the house apart. 

But other than the recent illness I think our first month of school went ok. The students who don’t have a ton of complicated and disruptive stuff in their lives have settled in. The ones that do have complicated disruptive stuff are of course less settled, and we are trying to figure out how to accommodate/support them. I’d say the biggest challenges this year are attendance, mental health, and low adaptive skills. Basically all the stuff that has no quick or easy fix. It’s early days though, and we have a very good team this year, so I’m reasonably optimistic.

Our family schedule appears manageable, and so far I have even gotten the kids to school on time every single day!  Our evening activities have been enjoyable. But it’s been very busy.

I wrote out in detail what our week is like and then decided I don’t want to publish it on the blog. In summary, the kids have two weekday evenings  of activities, and I have two weekday evenings of activities, and there’s a lot of moving parts to make it all happen.  I’m hoping that it all is relationship-, skill- and reality- enhancing. I’m still worried it could just be exhausting.

We also had out of town in laws visit for two weekends. And I have a few friends dealing with some major stuff in their lives, which challenges me to think of how to support them. 

We also bought a car, after a day of test driving where I pretended to be brave. Of course these days you don’t just drive a car off a lot. It should arrive early next month. Meantime fingers crossed my car holds out till the new one is here. The check engine light came on shortly after we chose the new car, so Mr Turtle and I exchanged cars. He doesn’t drive the kids around the city during the week so he can cope with a car that might break down any minute; I cannot/will not. But so far so good.

The weather has been very pleasant, if dry, and the fall colours are glowing. Halloween plans start soon. And we will try to scrape together the energy this weekend to keep making the story of our lives an interesting one.