Monday 27 February 2017

#Microblog Mondays: Alternate milestones

Everybody knows about the traditional milestones: birth, starting school, graduation, birthdays, engagement, wedding, first job, having children, retirement, death...(did I miss any?)

But what about alternate milestones: moments when you know everything has changed, but there's no official recognition? I have many of these in my life.

I was pondering an alternate milestone the other day: the first time you break one of a set of dishes. Mr Turtle and I did not need many basics when we were first married, so we decided to register at a handicraft store for a line of pottery I'd admired for years, but couldn't justify buying as a single person. It found pride of place in our new credenza in our new house and we used some pieces everyday while keeping most for special occasions.

One piece we use everyday is the sugar bowl. One day about six years after our wedding Mr Turtle dropped the lid and a biggish chip broke off. A few months later, on Christmas Eve in fact, I knocked the pepper shaker off a crowded counter and it shattered.

The pepper shaker will need to be replaced. But we still use the sugar bowl, and the other day when I was looking at it, it occurred to me the chip looks like AJ's bite mark.



One of the the cute things about when she started solid food was seeing her little crescent shaped bite mark on food.

I've become rather fond of the little chip and I don't think I want to replace the sugar bowl anymore. I don't want to break or damage more dishes, but at the same time it makes me think about what has happened since we were married, how things have changed, and how grateful I am for many of the changes, even though things (lots of things, not just our dishes) are not new and perfect anymore and never will be again. It's ok to be marked by time and change, and to be reminded of it.



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Tuesday 21 February 2017

Small victories

6:30am on a weekday, after a long weekend, seems like a good time to celebrate the small things that give me the courage to Carry On (to greatness, or just till the evening, whatever it's going to be).

On fertility: I had an ovulatory cycle, with no medication. I am as sure of this as I can be without lab testing: I had a sustained BBT rise, and positive OPKs around the time of the rise (but only for 2 days). After two anovulatory cycles, that feels like a victory (albeit one I had no control over). So, does the small victory mean there is hope of a bigger victory? This time, probably not. It looks like the BBT is dropping. But in the long game, just maybe. Also I'm happy that I avoided obsessive googling of symptoms and possibilities. I started reading message boards at one point, and then I thought: "I just don't relate to this stuff." And I actually stopped and didn't start again. Thinking about what it would take to stay in the long game, I think the best approach is to carry on TTC with emotional detachment and indifference. Is that possible? Probably not, but I can at least not feed the crazy. Much.

On family: Yesterday we took AJ to a local playground that she enjoys a lot. In the summer I used to take her almost every day. But it's been several months since we went (winter, cold, snow). It so happened that one of AJ's daycare buddies, "K", was also at the playground. They smiled big smiles at each other and waved. Interaction is still rather tentative, but you could tell they were happy to see each other. K's mom, I'll call her "Ana", and I engaged in some small talk, which felt increasingly comfortable. We started talking about communication. Ana shared that she had noticed how verbal AJ is. She then told a story of something she witnessed at the daycare.

There is a little boy in AJ's room, "J", who hits people. He has even hit me a couple of times when I was there to pick up AJ. From what I've observed, he doesn't do so with any emotion, but it's like he's picked up a habit of doing this to people, for whatever reason. I've seen him approach several of the children and swat or kick them. I saw him kick a child in the face who was lying on the floor crying, once. It always seems to be other boys although that might be because there happens to be more boys than girls. The daycare staff, from what I've seen, are prompt at intervening and giving the message that this is not how we treat our friends, we are not happy with our friends, we are sad, etc.

Ana shared her impression that J particularly picks on her son, who also happens to be smaller in physique. She told me that she had also seen AJ "stand up for" K. Apparently after one incident AJ had walked up to J and told him that "This is not how we treat our friends" (basically using the words the staff use). I was quite touched by that. I try not to read too much into situations, because we are talking about toddlers here, who are only starting to develop their social skills. But still, you hope as a parent that whatever age children are, they are getting the right messages. There are always going to be some negative and some positive influences. It meant a lot to hear that AJ is learning the positive. I know she has empathy, because I have seen her approach a crying child and try to comfort him, and she will pretend play sometimes with her toys where she is consoling them. She is also a cautious child, not one to take a lot of risks. But, even cautious people hope that when it is called for, they can face a challenge. So it meant a lot to me to hear that she stood up for K, both in terms of her development and how the situation is being handled at her daycare, as children learn by imitating.

We left the park with smiles for everybody and an invitation to K's birthday party next week. Wins all around.


Monday 6 February 2017

#Microblog Mondays: The Ants Go Marching (and so does time)

Last night I was snuggling with AJ before putting her in her crib. She wanted to sit next to me in the recliner (not in my lap) and was asking for songs. She asked to hear "The Ants Go Marching".  This was a first: it's always been "The Wheels on the Bus" or "Old Macdonald Had a Farm," before.


I started singing, stumbled a bit remembering the tune, and then remembered that "The Ants Go Marching" was a song I sang to her all the time as a newborn.


I enjoy a good flashback. But those days already seem so unreal. Bittersweet.








Microblog Mondays