Wednesday 21 June 2023

More rain, more sunshine

I'm enjoying this writing theme, where I live my life inside of the pathetic fallacy, projecting experiences and emotions onto the weather and season.

Today is the first day of summer, and the sun is out again in a blue sky, after a very cold and rainy final day of spring. Here is the stuff of my life, in the rough order of Least Enjoyable to More Enjoyable.

Continued....Car Drama!!

  • Last Friday I took the day off, and had a Highly Organized Day where among other things, I finally switched my winter tires to the all-seasons. (The previously scheduled day, more than a month ago, was canceled because the car was broken down in another city.)
  • On Monday, another cheerfully sunny day, I loaded up the kids as usual for school and drove off. I noticed the car seemed to be handling a bit differently. Was it vibrating? I wondered if the tires were coming loose. Had I left getting my lug nuts tightened for too late?! Still, it took a few minutes of my short commute to convince myself I wasn't imagining things. But the vibrating was getting worse and I finally pulled over. Whereupon I saw that one tire was very, very flat!
  • Ugh! Luckily we were close to my school and the girls' schools. I walked them both to school/daycare then called the AMA, for the second time in the space of a month. Within the hour the technician had my tire changed to the spare, and I drove to the tire shop to have the flat tire repaired, which is fully covered by my insurance.
  • ....Except, the tire was too badly damaged to be repaired. So, I would have to pay for a replacement, which would also have to be shipped from another city, meaning it would take a day to arrive. Ugh! I was down on myself for a while, feeling like this was partly my fault. I usually am rather obsessive about my tires, checking them for low pressure, taking the car to the garage to have them checked every few weeks. The ONE time (it felt) that I didn't do that, the dang tire went flat and I didn't notice in time!
  • Tuesday was cold and rainy, and we cancelled our class picnic in the park. Which I was not overly sad about, since we had already gone on two other very fun and successful field trips this month. Still, it's kinda funny that despite a hot, dry spring overall, the days that we plan outdoor activities seem to turn out cold!
  • I then get a call from the garage telling me that, surprise! The tire they ordered is a) the wrong one, and b) the tire I need is discontinued, so c) I actually have to pay to replace all the tires.
  • Ugh, NO! I have already paid significant amounts of money this year to keep my older car functioning and safe, and we have agreed nominally to replace it this summer (not that I'm looking forward to that process, AT ALL.) So, instead I schedule an appointment to just put the winter tires back on again the next day.
  • Poor Mr. Turtle, after a period of improved health, is again sick with a bad cold bug (at least no IV antibiotics this time). He cannot help me with any of this tire foolishness. But it's fine. I drive home and load the winter tires back in the car. Whereupon, my phone rings. It's the tire shop. Surprise! They found the tire I need in their store display, where they had forgotten all about it. Can I bring the car back and they will replace it forthwith?
  • Yes! Side note, it's revelatory to see how quickly one's perspective can change. Before I knew the tire was discontinued, I was quite grumpy about having to pay to replace it. Like yes, please, take my money! I was just going to burn it anyway; I had no other plans. However, after hearing that my choices were down to paying $1000 for new tires, or using my winter tires through the summer and risking damage to them, paying the $250 for the suddenly discovered new tire felt like a wonderful stroke of luck to be grateful for.
  • I unloaded the winter tires and drove to the tire shop without incident (I was grateful for this too). The manager did a real life facepalm when I saw him. But they had my new tire on within 10 minutes and off I went to pick up the kids and arrived home without incident. Yes!
  • The conclusion (I assume and hope) to my Tire Drama AND the fact that one of my students gifted me a bottle of wine, caused me to assess my day as a Resounding Success, despite a sick husband and a sick Dani, who was sleepy and running a fever when I picked her up from daycare. But the evening was quiet and I peacefully made a chicken pot pie out of some left over drumsticks, feeling competently domestic as a bonus. And I ended my day in bed with a glass of wine! Yes!
  • I'm taking today off, hence the time to write in my blog. Dani is recovering, Mr. Turtle is recovering, and AJ decided she was sick too and wanted to stay home. She probably isn't, but ask me how motivated I am to drive her to school and back today. Right.
My body and my soul are both fully me....
  • I have written a lot about dance on this blog, because it is a central and happy part of our lives. I think that the fact that I have danced my whole life has greatly influenced who I am and how I see myself. I am, perhaps unusually for our culture, non-dualist in how I see myself. Obviously my brain and its electrical activity, i.e. "mind", is part of my identity. But I have been aware, for most of my life, that my thoughts are limited and are just as likely to be ridiculous and wrong as Real, Morally Right and Deeply Insightful. Here's a fun experiment to try: For a week, keep track of how many things, serious and trivial, that you are WRONG about, based on your own criteria. You will likely be shocked (and maybe amused).
  • My awareness of my flawed mind has almost always been paired with an awareness of my body and its abilities and basic goodness. When my body is active and healthy, I notice my mind is also more healthy. I have avoided, for the most part, mistreating or blaming my body because of some stupid idea that exists in my mind. There are some exceptions. Anxiety is bad for my body. Pregnancy was a hot terrifying mess, as well as the most amazing thing my body has ever done. (But pregnancy is not like anything else, in my experience.) 
  • I believe that lifelong dancing is responsible for my non-duality. Dancing requires the body and mind to work together in awareness of each other. It puts the body on display in a social setting and obliges the mind to deal with that vulnerability. Dancing also makes people beautiful. It doesn't matter how old or young they are or how they look, or their relative skills level, people are beautiful when they dance. I will defend this statement as a Universal Truth.  I know not everyone believes this about themselves, and that makes me sad, but I still think I'm right.
  • Dancing is Body, and Mind, and Culture, and when they come together, something divine happens, that is all of that, and more. As my one-time teacher Frank said, either a long time ago or a short time ago, Dancing is way bigger than us mere mortals. 
  • Now Dance News: My daughters have finished off their season with successful festival performances. As a board member in their non-profit organization, I have worked on building friendships and community. It takes me a while to warm up socially so this is an ongoing process. But I feel pretty good about it. And....
  • I made the decision this year to join the adult Ukrainian group! So I will be a participant as well as a dance mom.
  • I also intend to keep up my stepdancing with my other long-term dance buddies. So I am going to be in very awesome shape. I hope.
  • As part of my Highly Organized Day on Friday, I went shopping for new dance gear. This makes me extremely happy. I also plan to take a few barre classes this summer.
  • At least, that's the plan. I've wondered a bit lately if in addition to my car's functionality, I should be questioning my body's functionality. I did something (not sure what) that threw out my shoulder a few weeks ago. Rotating it causes pain. It almost heals, then I do something like, ahem, hauling tires in and out of my car, and the pain is back. I also did some gardening on the weekend, which I enjoyed, but which has caused a lot of soreness. So while I'm not sick like the rest of the family, I'm moseying about today with aches and pains. Oof. 
  • I'm still optimistic. The fitness centre I joined has a hot tub after all.
Well, that will be my life round-up for the day. The material, the spiritual, the insightful and the clueless all in one big pile. As always, I remain grateful for all of it and these hours I sometimes get to reflect and write. You may not get happier or richer, but you probably can always get wiser (a saying I came up with in my 20s to encourage myself. Still mostly true with the caveat that I've probably lost some brain cells along the way. It was worth it.)


  1. I think there is something in the air (other than Armageddon-fire-smoke) this June that is messing with minds that are already prone to being messed with. UGH to the car drama, but I'm glad all's well that ends well. I love everything you said about dance. How wonderful to join the adult group! I am excited that I've I've recovered from my over replacement that I can tap dance again. And you are going to love Barre! 💜

    1. Thank you! I went to my first barre class in a while a couple days ago. There were some older (than me lol) ladies there, and, I'm embarrassed to admit, my first thought was: oh, this is going to be too easy! Well it wasn't haha! I was puffing and shaking! but it felt good. And how nice to see role models of other women staying in shape. Another thing I like about classes.

      I'm glad you are looking forward to tap dancing and other joyful things post-surgery! Keep those positive images in mind!