Friday, 28 February 2014

"I am quite optimistic"

The quote in the subject line comes from Dr. Gnomish, who repeated that to me a few times during our appointment.

The news is - so far, so good.

The beta tests show my hcg rising. (My stomach agrees: insert mini-retch here).  If I remember correctly, Tuesday it was 16 000something; yesterday it was 21 0000something.  I had a fleeting notion that I should write down the exact beta numbers for future reporting, but between the fear of hearing bad news, and the desperate hope that maybe I wouldn't, and my wobbly stomach, I felt like I was only staying upright because I didn't know which way to fall.  Anyway, the point is: hcg is rising, and Dr. Gnomish says that is a very good sign.

Wednesday's ultrasound showed a gestational sac and yolk sac. No fetal pole was visible yet. However, the gestational sac had grown compared to the last scan, and Dr. Gnomish said again that was a good sign. A blighted ovum would not grow, he said. I go in for another scan next Thursday.

It make sense to me that this is still a very early pregnancy, because I know for sure (thanks to the Fertility Clinic's scans of my uncooperative ovaries) that I had nothing to get pregnant with prior to January 15th. So, conception happened sometime between middle and end of January, which is barely over a month ago.

The ultrasound also showed a subchorionic hemmorhage. That explains the bleeding that I have been having this week. It is not an immediate threat to the pregnancy, nor is it a sign of imminent miscarriage. Having an explanation makes me feel somewhat better, although I wish I didn't have any bleeding because it always makes me afraid. However, on the good side it has only been brown spotting this week and I would say in the last two days there is less of that.

So. Forward. Positive test results + absence of miscarriage symptoms = reason for optimism, according to Dr. Gnomish. So, I will try to be a bit optimistic.

I have done a lot of sleeping and reading this week and not much of anything else. Between the physical and emotional fatigue (hard to tell apart sometimes) I really had energy for nothing except preparing some simple snacks for myself and reading books. (I'm halfway through Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. Somebody gave it to Mr. Turtle years ago and it's never been read, but it sure has come in useful this week.)  Going out to my appointments on my own felt like a heroic excursion into the wilderness.

I hope to return to the land of the living, i.e. work on Monday. There is no reason to suppose work would be bad for the pregnancy or me, assuming I can cope with it. I do think I will try to limit physical stain on myself though, for example by taking the bus instead of walking through the snow. At a time when I have a bit more strength and confidence in my physical self I can re-introduce bizarre activities like "exercise." It's still one day at a  time right now.

Thank you again for all your support. This past week has been one of the hardest of my adult life.

22 comments:

  1. I am so encouraged by the great news girl! I hope you are too! These are all good signs. SCH is so common for early pregnancies.. but it's also so scary. For all that we (you) have gone through, we just don't need one more thing to worry about when we finally get pregnant. I hope and pray that they will be able to see a fetal pole and a heartbeat at the next scan. This journey is so tough and you're doing great. Thinking of you.

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    1. Thanks! just one day at a time and keep breathing...

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  2. I know it has been hard, but I admire you to keep on pressing forward!! Thinking of you and excited for you!!! Hope you get some good rest this weekend! take care of that sweet baby ;)

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    1. thank you! will do my best to have a good weekend.

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  3. "Positive test results + absence of miscarriage symptoms = reason for optimism"
    Great advice from the doctor. So glad things are progressing!

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    1. sounds like it...cautiously hopeful....!

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  4. So glad to hear things are still looking good!
    Hope you enjoy His Dark Materials - I did :)
    Sending many positive thoughts to you and that little embryo!

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    1. HDMI was good escapism for this week....and when I got too tired I would just fall asleep reading it. thank you for the positive thoughts.

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  5. Is it weird to say that I'm happy to hear that you have an SCH? I mean, just because it explains the bleeding. All the rest sounds like great news as well. I'm so sorry how hard the start of this pregnancy has been on you...but let's hope that you have it all out of the way now.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean....I don't want any complications but at least I know whey the bleeding is happening, and it's not as scary as other things that can go through my mind.

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  6. Just starting to catch up on your whole story but had to say congrats on your bfp! That's fantastic!! I hope things continue to go well for you.

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    1. Thank you. It's a crazy rollercoaster story... Appreciate the comment and support. xo

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  7. I'm so glad you found a reason behind the bleeding. Cautious optimism is a good way forward. It must be so hard to wait until Thursday for the next scan! Sending you best wishes. I hope it all goes well.

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    1. I'm really trying to do one day at a time....sometimes it's one breath at a time. thank you for the good wishes!

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  8. Even though SCHs suck I am really glad they found one to explain the bleeding. I had one from 5-11 weeks with bright red blood. It eventually went away! I heard so many similar stories that really reassured me!!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad your SCH resolved. I seem to be experiencing less bleeding so I hope that's good. It's so hard to feel confident when I see blood though. Appreciate the encouragement and support.

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  9. I am so glad to hear that your Dr is optimistic. I know SCH can be scary, but hopefully it resolves soon. I will continue to send good vibes your way :)

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    1. thank you. :-) much appreciated.

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  10. Sorry I've been away for such a long time. I'm so happy and excited for you! I totally understand how nerve-wrecking it is, especially with the bleeding... glad everything is okay and that you're able to enjoy your usual activities. Nausea is a good thing! Hang in there, the first trimester will be over soon.

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    1. thank you for being so positive!

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  11. I'm just catching up after a hiatus and I am so pleased that things seem to be okay, even if they're not perfect. Taking it easy is a great idea -- be sure to include a special treat for yourself too, if you can! xoxo

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    1. thank you! I seem to have forgotten the password for your blog and/or never get it right, or maybe you changed it....I'll have to get it again

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