Monday, 24 February 2014

The plan for the week

I followed up with my regular doctor (Dr. Gnomish) today. We went through all the details again, and he said that all things considered he can't give me any answers because he doesn't have the answers.

Here's the plan to find out answers.

1)I go back for betas on Tuesday, Thursday and Monday.

2)I go for another ultrasound on Wednesday. Dr. Gnomish seemed fairly confident that this scan would show either   evidence of ectopic pregnancy (the urgent care doc thought this was unlikely, but it can't be entirely ruled out yet), miscarriage, or a viable pregnancy. He also assured me that no, I do not need to drink 1 litre of water and hold it for two hours (not that I was bloody going to) which I was glad to hear.

3) I have a follow up with Dr. Gnomish on Friday. I am not sure how much I will know before then, based on the test results, but hopefully something. If my body hasn't given me a clear clue.

In the meantime I've taken a few days off work. I woke up feeling OK this morning. I'd eaten the night before, slept well, and I had some breakfast and lunch. Had a few waves of nausea but no vomiting (was throwing up early Sunday morning). I don't know if the nausea is pregnancy or stress related as stress kills my appetite and can make my stomach very sensitive.

I will probably take the whole week off work if I can. I feel weird taking so many days off as it really isn't like me. But I just don't know what's going to happen and while I'll probably be OK some of the time, I don't like the idea of having a crisis or meltdown at work.

It's a really strange feeling to feel fragile and uncertain about my body. I find myself staring at people and thinking: "I wish I had the confidence and energy to just do everything you are doing without even thinking about it." I'm sure I will feel that way again one way or another, but right now I'm in such a weird space. I get tired so easily and everything about myself feels so unfamiliar.

Physically I'm much the same. I continue to spot brown. It feels like a lot to me although on a pad it doesn't look like a lot. I also spend a lot of time lying around though (also unlike me) so it might just be coming out slowly. I keep waiting for something to signal the beginning of the end though; I can't help it.Sometimes I achieve acceptance and calm but it is short-lived, then I have to try for it all over again.

16 comments:

  1. The limbo must be hard. Thinking of you.

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    1. It is so hard! thanks for the thoughts.

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  2. That sounds like a good plan for this week. Definitely take off as much time as you can, and don't feel guilty about it. You need the rest emotionally and physically. I will be thinking of you and watching for updates.

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    1. thanks, you are right this is so tiring physically and emotionally. thanks for the thoughts.

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  3. Take care of yourself. It is so stressful and frustrating (and I've been there on this on). FWIWi have had at least two occasions where I had two dildo cam ultrasounds within a couple of days of each other, and they showed drastically different results. Different techs/doctors have different skills in handling the wand and in understanding what is there. The second one was always the better result.
    Fingers crossed

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    1. Good to hear; I hope this ultrasound is informative whatever the news is! obviously I want good news but whatever it is I just want to have some notion of what happens next.

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  4. Good idea to take some time off and look after yourself. Waiting sucks. For me the most stressful part was that I couldn't do anything to influence the outcome. Sending you love and good luck - I hope the betas continue to climb and the ultrasound shows a positive result. Hugs.

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    1. you are so right, it is such a helpless feeling. thank you for the support.

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  5. Oh, Torthuil. I'm glad that things are going OK, that you have a plan and that you're going to be taking some time off. I'm sure you're walking on eggshells and this is hard as hell, so I'll be cautiously optimistic for you. Hugs.

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    1. more like reclining on eggshells; I don't have the strength to walk anywhere ha. Thanks for the thoughts.

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  6. Glad you have some time off work! Thinking about you and believing with you girl!!

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    1. thank you! If nothing else, I can always breathe :-)

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  7. I think it's a great idea for you to take some time for yourself this week. You're going through a lot. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that things work out ok this week.

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    1. Thank you! not much new to tell yet, just taking it easy. thinking of you too.

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