I followed up with my regular doctor (Dr. Gnomish) today. We went through all the details again, and he said that all things considered he can't give me any answers because he doesn't have the answers.
Here's the plan to find out answers.
1)I go back for betas on Tuesday, Thursday and Monday.
2)I go for another ultrasound on Wednesday. Dr. Gnomish seemed fairly confident that this scan would show either evidence of ectopic pregnancy (the urgent care doc thought this was unlikely, but it can't be entirely ruled out yet), miscarriage, or a viable pregnancy. He also assured me that no, I do not need to drink 1 litre of water and hold it for two hours (not that I was bloody going to) which I was glad to hear.
3) I have a follow up with Dr. Gnomish on Friday. I am not sure how much I will know before then, based on the test results, but hopefully something. If my body hasn't given me a clear clue.
In the meantime I've taken a few days off work. I woke up feeling OK this morning. I'd eaten the night before, slept well, and I had some breakfast and lunch. Had a few waves of nausea but no vomiting (was throwing up early Sunday morning). I don't know if the nausea is pregnancy or stress related as stress kills my appetite and can make my stomach very sensitive.
I will probably take the whole week off work if I can. I feel weird taking so many days off as it really isn't like me. But I just don't know what's going to happen and while I'll probably be OK some of the time, I don't like the idea of having a crisis or meltdown at work.
It's a really strange feeling to feel fragile and uncertain about my body. I find myself staring at people and thinking: "I wish I had the confidence and energy to just do everything you are doing without even thinking about it." I'm sure I will feel that way again one way or another, but right now I'm in such a weird space. I get tired so easily and everything about myself feels so unfamiliar.
Physically I'm much the same. I continue to spot brown. It feels like a lot to me although on a pad it doesn't look like a lot. I also spend a lot of time lying around though (also unlike me) so it might just be coming out slowly. I keep waiting for something to signal the beginning of the end though; I can't help it.Sometimes I achieve acceptance and calm but it is short-lived, then I have to try for it all over again.