Sunday, 5 May 2013


As the weeks trundle on toward the beginning of a strategy to tackle IF, disclosure is more and more on my mind.  I've noted before that I haven't talked about IF to anybody close to me (i.e. parents, siblings, close friends). But I am starting to talk about it to people less close to me. It  occurred to me today that this seems backwards: you're supposed to feel more comfortable talking to people with whom you  have an intimate relationship, right? Well, apparently I'm the opposite. I'm not talking about IF to complete strangers, but I'm starting to talk about it to people that I don't consider close friends or family.*

My first disclosure was at the beginning of March to a  group of women with whom I was sharing a weekend away. They are all mothers, which makes them different from my other friends, but which was part of the  intrigue for me: I liked getting to know people in a different life-stage. I confided in them because we had spent the year as a kind of girls' support group, and we were talking about important events and personal growth. There was no way to not mention IF in that context. They were all understanding and supportive, said nothing hurtful or clueless, and we actually had a very interesting conversation about the adoption journey one had taken (previous to this we did not realize she was an adoptive mom.)

My next disclosure (just yesterday) was to someone I consider a good friend, but with whom I do not share the kind of history that I  share with some of my friends. We were talking about big life events and decisions: she is recently engaged, might be moving to another country for year, and we are both teachers and share concerns around that, including how to fit career and family together. So at one point in the conversation I just up and said "And we have an appointment at the fertility clinic this week...." and then  talked around the subject without going into the nitty-gritty details.  She was also kind and supportive, mentioned that she knew someone who was starting treatments, and by her remarks let me know that she understood this was a big deal and wished us  the best. So, that went well too.

I think it is easier for me to talk about IF with people I am less intimate with, because I'm not especially worried about the news upsetting them. I think the biggest reason I haven't talked about it with people who are close to me is because I'm more concerned with their reactions, and I don't feel like dealing with those reactions until I have a handle on what is going on.

These "little disclosures" are also like practice for the bigger ones.  I'm starting to develop a level of comfort in talking about IF and what the future holds  for us.

I don't plan to go so far  as to share this  blog with family and friends, though. If I decide to share information about treatments, or go make public statements about IF, I'll probably do that on my less-anonymous blog.

Still, I find myself identifying more and more with torthúil and "The Turtles." As in, they are labels for an  experience that is becoming more and more real.

Mr. Turtle and I spent an awesome  day today hiking in The Badlands.
Scramble, Scramble


Looking down into the canyon

The Not Pregnant belly. 
(Um, I was hot, there nobody nearby in the canyon at that moment, and I wanted to let the breeze get at things. Of course,  Mr. Turtle specifically watches for these moments to get a photo.)

 * I am talking about IF through this blog to people who are technically strangers, but the blogosphere feels different...sometimes more of a  community  than the people whom life tosses into my path that have no particular reason to understand or care about IF. Maybe I'm splitting hairs here.)

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