Sunday 28 October 2018

AJ is turning 4

I don’t write much about AJ anymore, because she is more an independent human and I want to respect her privacy. But she’s turning 4 in a few hours and it kinda boggles my mind. I want to capture this moment.

This time 4 years ago I was lying in bed at the hospital, sort of asleep, listening to Moya Brennan and the heartbeat monitor. I had an epidural placed so I was not in much discomfort. But I had been in labour so long I almost couldn’t picture actually having a baby anymore.

Today, AJ alternates between her interests in princesses and dinosaurs. She also likes superheroes. Mr Turtle showed her The Tick, a silly cartoon series from his childhood. She asks him to make up stories about the characters before bedtime. El Seed, a giant animate sunflower, is her favourite villain. We have also read Alice in Wonderland together and reread chapters regularly. 

AJ loves to help in the kitchen. She helped rake leaves today (and played in them.) She is independent and imaginative. Sometimes her stories take a rather macabre turn. She talks about death at times. Someone called Bony Girl came to her in a dream once. Bony Girl is a skeleton and has issues such as her bones falling off when she uses the toilet. We haven’t tried to hide the truth about human mortality from her. Maybe this is partly why she is so open about these musings. Usually they don’t upset her. 

AJ usually adores her baby sister and gives her cuddles. Dani adores her right back. She also has a few friends mostly from her daycare. Some of the parents I know; others I will meet at her 4th birthday party this weekend. It is almost organized despite my anxiety about such things. I chose to have it away from home this time so the kids can play and I can return to my somewhat quiet house afterwards.

Tonight before bed AJ asked to wear her Frozen pyjamas which are a tad too big. “I don’t want to get squished in the night,” she told us. This statement puzzled me until I realized she believes she is going to grow a lot tonight. She had been saying the pyjamas would fit her when she was four so she figured this would happen overnight, I guess. 

I explained she will be roughly the same size tomorrow. Thank goodness. But I know she will grow fast enough.

I also think about the difficult weeks in February 2014 when I was bleeding and thought I was miscarrying my surprising pregnancy. Those were the saddest and most devastating hours of my life. Even though it all turned out fine in the end. Somehow the happy ending and the pain and grief feel like separate experiences. Oddly as time goes by the memory seems even sadder to think of, because if I had lost her, I cannot pretend it would not be a big deal. 

But AJ is here. And while I call my pregnancies lucky, there is nothing coincidental about them. AJ and Dani are here because they are meant to be. They are both mystery and revelation.

Happy 4th birthday my big girl. 




10 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday! Oh, I remember back to those days in early 2014. AJ is such a fighter!
    I just noticed we have the same IKEA kitchen and the same xylophone toy- does AJ still play with it, or is it more for Dani? I was going to take Kate’s to the conseignment shop

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    1. Thanks! I can't seem to get logged in on my phone so I can't reply to comments unless I get out the computer, which doesn't happen often when I'm used to using the phone.

      Yeah, now that you mention it AJ doesn't play much with the xylophone...at least not on her own, but she does play with the baby toys alongside Dani. It makes sense to keep them around with a sibling; not so much otherwise.

      Too funny about the matchy kitchens!

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  2. Happy Birthday AJ! And happy birthday to you too Torhuil. They grow so fast. May this 5th year of life be a wonderful one.

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    1. Thanks! I think it will, though so much will change!

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  3. Happy birthday AJ! She is such a beautiful little lady! Love the frozen PJs, and think it’s just too sweet how you figured out she thought she would grow overnight!

    And your last paragraph is just beautiful. I love that so much. “They are both mystery and revelation”. Indeed.

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  4. She is adorable. :) Happy birthday, AJ!

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  5. Aw so sweet in her frozen pajamas! Lovely to hear her and Dani get on so well. Lovely to have that sister relationship

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    1. Thanks! I love watching the sister interaction. I know it will get more complex but right now it is pure sweetness; hopefully they carry the essence of it throughout their lives.

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