Monday 18 July 2016

#Microblog Mondays: Long conversations


Mr. Turtle and I had our sixth wedding anniversary yesterday. It was pretty low key. We came close to forgetting about it: mainly because we had been on vacation the week before and had somewhat lost track of days, and then the day before we had a very long, late road trip to return home. But, right at midnight, I saw "July 17" on my phone and went: Oh yeah! So the next morning we started our celebrations by going out for Dutch pancakes as a family. Later, we took AJ to my FIL's for the evening and then went for dinner together at the historical park where we got married.

A lot of our daily activity consists of chores, errands, meal prep, playing with AJ, chasing AJ around the house, cuddling and caring for AJ, talking about AJ....well, you get the idea. When the  aforementioned VIP is finally asleep, we often slump in front of computers or phones for a little bit of solitude. Other times we'll drink tea, eat dessert and watch something silly on TV, which is nice, but I tend to fall asleep after about half an hour.

When the two of us are alone together it's good to be reminded that we can still find lots to talk about and see our questions and answers and quandaries reflected in each other.  Our two shared meals started a discussion that ranged over changing family roles to current events in the news and back to family roles and values.  If I was to summarize, I'd say we both agree that the best way to make a difference in the world is to have a strong relationship together and raise our child with love, consistency, and transparency. But, there was a lot of ground covered to reach that conclusion, if you want to call it a conclusion!

One of the themes that came up was what are the most important things we pass on to children. I think we were talking about poverty and class divisions. My question to Mr. Turtle was: other than material things, what of value do parents give their children?  If you don't have a lot of money or material wealth (or even if you do), what can you give your children that will actually make a difference in their lives?

One answer was the awareness that every person's inner life is interesting and valuable. When I think back on my life, I have always found my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions valid and interesting. I may or may not be enjoying what is going on in my life at the time, but I can always process it, reflect on it, and use it for a creative purpose. The creative act might be a piece of art, an essay for school, a job search, a discussion, or no more than a journal entry or a mad dance in the dark to my favourite song of the time, but it is my voice in the world, and nothing is ever more important. Perhaps this is part of the reason I have kept all my writing and all my school projects from high school on.  I don't look at them and ooh and aah in admiration for myself (hahahahahaha) but I know they are there and that they are part of my individuality. Did my parents teach me this? Yes, I think in part. My mom always encouraged me to take great care of my work: she collected it, helped me create little books, asked me when I was writing the next poem/story/whatever.  That taught me it had value.

Mr. Turtle and I also discussed movie adaptations from books, and how they are different. For me at least, a large part of why movie adaptations are less satisfying than books is because inner conflicts and voices don't transfer well to the screen. A good writer can explore his or her characters' thoughts and value conflicts for pages and pages, and it's riveting reading. But that's hard to do on screen, so inner conflicts are externalized to conflicts between characters. I always find that disappointing, or rather missing the point. Some people like to act out all their conflicts with/on other people, I guess, but for those of us who tend to carry them around and reflect on them, that can seem like too much drama already.  It also implies that the relationships/conflicts we have with other people or with "society" or "environment" are more important than our inner lives, and I don't agree. Obviously those external influences and relationships are important, but everything we do starts with some thought or impulse we have. And our thoughts and impulses come from our inner life and how we process the world. It is important to listen to that and understand what is happening, especially if there is any conflict or distress (and there usually is!).

This is, of course, a big reason I enjoy the blog world: Blogs can make the inside voices audible (so to speak). 


10 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary! I think it is a sign of a super strong relationship to have such lengthy conversations with someone you've been with for so long. Bryce and I enjoy our Mexican Restaurant Friday date nights because we go down rabbit hole conversations like these, and once another couple who goes a lot on Fridays stopped us and said how wonderful it was to see a couple who so obviously loves talking with each other, even after (some) years. I feel you and Mr. Turtle are similar in this regard! I so agree with you both on the values and the movies vs books. Reading was valued in my household, and talking about what you've read, and I continue to value books and book discussions. Journaling, too. And you hit the nail on the head with that inner dialogue piece to books vs movies! Congrats on another year of married life and the joys of deep conversations with the one you love.

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    1. Rabbit hole conversations-love that expression! (Always welcome an Alice in Wonderland reference). Yes, being able to have those convos is so important as the years go by and people evolve from who they were at the beginning of the relationship, and as roles change. Sharing life with someone you find interesting is the best. Glad you can relate and keep enjoying those Friday date nights (including when a child joins you)

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  2. Happy anniversary! I love having those types of conversations with my husband. It's why our once a month date nights are so important. A chance to get away and reconnect just the two of us.

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    1. Absolutely! We talk as a family too, but it's a little different to have a space of time with no distractions. Glad you have worked that into your schedule.

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  3. Sounds like a great anniversary and great conversation. It's always so nice to reconnect, isn't it?

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    1. Yes it is! Life is not only about the to-do list! Or the storm of events in the bigger world.

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  4. I agree with Mr. Turtle. I rarely find a movie adaptation that captures the book perfectly. Good enough, yes, but not better than.

    I like that idea of passing on cherishing individuality. I would have said time and presence. I want the kids to know they have my attention and my time. It's a way of saying without words that they are important to me.

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    1. I agree completely about attention and time and presence. Those are so important too.

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  5. Happy Anniversary. I love having lengthy thought-provoking conversations with my husband but we don't do it often enough with all the day-to-day topics that come up. I love the topics that you talked about and may need to steal them for an upcoming date night!

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    1. Thanks. Feel free to steal topics! My favourite conversation starter is "so what great insights did you have about life today?" Said with just the right touch of self-deprecation lol. Joke responses are allowed, cop outs are not. That usually gets things going. Also, I have a tendency to bring back any conversation about current events or news back to "so what should we be doing, right here, right now?" It keeps it real, and for me, less enervating and depressing. (So many conversations can circle back to the premises that we are controlled by things we have no control over: so dreary!) enjoy your date nights.

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