We (the tech, mainly, and me, kinda) saw:
- An embryo measuring 6 weeks, 6 days
-A HEARTBEAT of 139bpm
The tech found the embryo and heartbeat right away with the abdominal ultrasound, but decided to also use the vaginal ultrasound to get a better view. The screen above me was turned on. At first all I could see was grey and black blobs, and they all looked the same. But I was able to see the fetal pole when she pointed it out, and I think I saw the flicker of the heartbeat when she did the internal ultrasound. Mainly I was stunned that I was actually hearing the words "There's a little baby there!"
I follow up with my doctor tomorrow (and they promised to fax him the results) so we will go over details then. 6 weeks 6 days sounds spot-on to me for an embryo conceived in the last 2 weeks of January.
I'm a bit dazed. I really didn't know how today would go. I've alternated between cautious hope and grim conviction of doom. I also know it's still early days and nothing is guaranteed. But - but - there is something alive in me and I saw it!! AlivealivealivealiveALIVE!!! I have (in the privacy of my sometimes cynical mind) been calling this "my horrible miracle pregnancy." Today though, I'm feeling the miracle part more than the horrible part. And I'm grateful.
Thank you all so much for all your support, for your courage and positive thoughts and faith and rational observations when I had none. I know a lot of that courage and faith comes from a place of struggle and heartbreak. I wish it didn't come at such a steep cost but all the comments and good thoughts are so, so appreciated. Thank you.
I think I have a nap now.