The quote in the subject line comes from Dr. Gnomish, who repeated that to me a few times during our appointment.
The news is - so far, so good.
The beta tests show my hcg rising. (My stomach agrees: insert mini-retch here). If I remember correctly, Tuesday it was 16 000something; yesterday it was 21 0000something. I had a fleeting notion that I should write down the exact beta numbers for future reporting, but between the fear of hearing bad news, and the desperate hope that maybe I wouldn't, and my wobbly stomach, I felt like I was only staying upright because I didn't know which way to fall. Anyway, the point is: hcg is rising, and Dr. Gnomish says that is a very good sign.
Wednesday's ultrasound showed a gestational sac and yolk sac. No fetal pole was visible yet. However, the gestational sac had grown compared to the last scan, and Dr. Gnomish said again that was a good sign. A blighted ovum would not grow, he said. I go in for another scan next Thursday.
It make sense to me that this is still a very early pregnancy, because I know for sure (thanks to the Fertility Clinic's scans of my uncooperative ovaries) that I had nothing to get pregnant with prior to January 15th. So, conception happened sometime between middle and end of January, which is barely over a month ago.
The ultrasound also showed a subchorionic hemmorhage. That explains the bleeding that I have been having this week. It is not an immediate threat to the pregnancy, nor is it a sign of imminent miscarriage. Having an explanation makes me feel somewhat better, although I wish I didn't have any bleeding because it always makes me afraid. However, on the good side it has only been brown spotting this week and I would say in the last two days there is less of that.
So. Forward. Positive test results + absence of miscarriage symptoms = reason for optimism, according to Dr. Gnomish. So, I will try to be a bit optimistic.
I have done a lot of sleeping and reading this week and not much of anything else. Between the physical and emotional fatigue (hard to tell apart sometimes) I really had energy for nothing except preparing some simple snacks for myself and reading books. (I'm halfway through Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. Somebody gave it to Mr. Turtle years ago and it's never been read, but it sure has come in useful this week.) Going out to my appointments on my own felt like a heroic excursion into the wilderness.
I hope to return to the land of the living, i.e. work on Monday. There is no reason to suppose work would be bad for the pregnancy or me, assuming I can cope with it. I do think I will try to limit physical stain on myself though, for example by taking the bus instead of walking through the snow. At a time when I have a bit more strength and confidence in my physical self I can re-introduce bizarre activities like "exercise." It's still one day at a time right now.
Thank you again for all your support. This past week has been one of the hardest of my adult life.