Tuesday, 18 February 2014

A few deep breaths, a few awful confessions, another day

Thank you so much for all the kind comments on my last entry. I love that you told me you are happy for me, because I still can't quite manage to be happy for myself.  But I am, I think, managing to keep the terror at bay.

My latest panic was over the fact I took 2 doses of Ad.vil in the last 24 hours. Dummy! The one time I didn't google obsessively. I did read the bottle first (nothing about pregnancy).  I have developed a somewhat nasty cold in the past 5 days. I took the first dose because I am in the habit of taking it for colds (it's one thing that actually helps me). The second time, several hours later at night, I took it because I woke up with dreadful sinus pain and that was what my fuzzy mind told me to do. But when I googled Ad.vil this evening, I learned it is "not recommended for pregnancy."  The risk during early pregnancy is very low, if indeed there is one. It was also a one off dose (not like I'm going to take it all the time). But it's still not recommended, and I wish I hadn't taken it. OK, universe, I promise, I won't touch any OTC medicines again with a ten foot pole. Please continue to give me a break here. Please.

I took another ClearBlue this morning, the one that calculates how many weeks.


So according to ClearBlue I've been pregnant for about 3 weeks. That fits with my calculations, and it did make me feel a little better for the moment because for the test to give me a 3 weeks+ time frame, the HcG levels must be rising appropriately. That seems kinda reassuring. On the other hand I wonder about what other dreadful things I've been doing in the past 3 weeks that a pregnant person shouldn't have been doing. (You know, all that time when I didn't have the nerve to TAKE THE TEST.) The occasional cup of coffee. A glass of wine on the odd evening (But not in the last 2 weeks!). Not being relaxed.

 But, um, in the big picture I think mostly I've done OK. I've taken my folic acid pretty religiously the past months. Also have been on low dose aspirin since the beginning of January (that was directed by the Fertility Clinic.) And I picked up some pre-natal vitamins today.

OK.

The Fertility Clinic called me back. As I suspected, they said "Congratulations" and to call my family doctor. Since they didn't actually get me pregnant, at least not in any pre-meditated fashion, I'm not under their care. Should we need them again (please not!) our referral stands for a year.

My appointment with my doctor is on Thursday. He will do a test to confirm the pregnancy, but from what the receptionist said, it's another pee test. Maybe he'll do a blood test too.  I'm OK with seeing my doctor instead of The Fertility Clinic, if only because he's a lot closer to my house. It's a major operation to get across the city to The Fertility Clinic. But I worry about not getting the same attention to detail from a regular doctor as from a fertility doctor. I want to be analyzed obsessively like the medical freak that I am! Or maybe I don't, I don't know. It would be nice to be reassured that I'm the most boring, ordinary pregnant person ever and will be that way for the next 9 months.

OK.

I found this website quite a while ago, and for a while it was my favourite reading during 2 week waits. Then, when the months of disappointment stretched on and turned into a double infertility diagnosis, I started avoiding it. I'm letting myself look at it again. It's amazing. It describes in detail and in pictures exactly what is going on at each stage of development.

Here is the first week of pregnancy.

Next, 1-2 weeks

According to ClearBlue and my own estimates, I should be somewhere around 2 - 3 weeks.  All that is hopefully going on inside me right now.

If I tune out everything and just pay attention to my body, I think things are going fine.

Any suggestions for what I should ask my doctor on Thursday?

Any advice for other things I should be doing (or not doing)? I know, no OTC medicines, I got it now!!!

OK. I ramble, I know. I don't know what else to do or say.

Breathe.

Love and best wishes to everyone.

11 comments:

  1. That website is amazing, thanks for the links. Keep breathing and tuning into your body. You are doing great.

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    1. thank you! enjoy the website, it really is wonderful. I'll take a few deep breaths right now.

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  2. that is a good lookin' test! please so please dont sweat the advil and the alcohol! That amount of alcohol will do no harm! And, from what i understand, the concerns about advil have more to do with not taking it near the birth in case of surgery! So please don't worry too much about it! I know its hard! so glad the test says 3 weeks! keep us updated!

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    1. Thank you. Saw my doctor and he agrees with you that the Advil is not a problem ("you'd have to be taking it in handfuls" was his comment). Thanks for the positive energy.

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  3. They're starting to say it's possible red wine is *good* for pregnancy, so I wouldn't worry about what you've done. Does the doctor do an ultrasound? I mean, a pee stick is a pretty low-key appointment! You have those at home! But you're right. Low-key is good. Anyway, feel what you feel. The rest of us will be excited for you, until you get there too :)

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    1. Yeah, it was pretty low key. I have an ultrasound scheduled for next week as well as the routine blood tests (no beta). I'm being treated just like any other person pregnant through natural conception. The ultrasound will be used to date the pregnancy. I foresee having to do a lot of explaining about the cancelled IVF and why I am (I'm pretty sure) only about 3-4 weeks and not 7. Whatever, I'm just hoping that the US shows something developing in there, because it's still really damn hard to believe. Thank you for reading and all the positive vibes. I so appreciate it.

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  4. How neat that it shows you how far along you are!! Congrats again :)

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    1. Yes, it is a cool feature on the test and it was somewhat reassuring. I'm quite desperately in need of reassurance. Thank you for all the kind words.

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  5. Yay, the climbing hcg is definitely a good sign! Don't worry about the Advil. One dose won't hurt anything. And if you had the glass of wine 2 weeks ago, you were only a week past ovulation so implantation probably still hadn't happened. So no worries! I am really happy for you :) Let us know how the appointment goes.

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    1. Thanks. My doctor agrees with you about the Advil and wine, so I guess I will try to take a great big (non prescription) chill pill. Appreciate you checking in!

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