tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post7043566177627036134..comments2024-02-11T23:03:48.418-08:00Comments on torthúil: Small victoriestorthúilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-34180028657435254182017-03-15T06:05:07.769-07:002017-03-15T06:05:07.769-07:00Thanks! I send those good wishes back. I want to s...Thanks! I send those good wishes back. I want to still hope, but I'm also paying attention to how I can keep my sanity and peace of mind and to some extent at least this means letting go of, or at least questioning the idea that I have to succeed, and that I have to try and do everything, and that I'm somehow less if my attempts fail or my assumptions are wrong. It's an interesting process for sure, and comes down to how I frame my experiences, which in a way parallels some of the big questions in the larger society which are also about how we frame things. Maybe I'll get a baby out of this, maybe I'll get a new perspective.....but either way, I'm going to look back and say I was doing important work.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-65212899024799217902017-03-11T01:22:37.619-08:002017-03-11T01:22:37.619-08:00A small victory is still a victory! It's good ...A small victory is still a victory! It's good news about your cycle for sure - your body is doing what it is supposed to do. And I, as always, hope for a big victory for you, too. <br /><br />I love the story about AJ sticking up for other children. A Few Good Eggshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13654170259337486983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-47875006779997709592017-02-27T15:34:49.409-08:002017-02-27T15:34:49.409-08:00I agree; I don't want to make assumptions abou...I agree; I don't want to make assumptions about the child or the family, or if I do, I try to make positive assumptions (he's a toddler, they are working through it). At the same time I definitely don't want AJ or the other children getting the idea that hitting is an OK way to amuse yourself or express emotions or solve problems. In the case of this child I'd say it's more for amusement because he doesn't look mad to me when he's doing it. And of course the approach you take to stop/run interference on that behaviour would be affected by the reason the behaviour is happening.<br /><br />I think a key part of standing up to hitting, or any kind of bullying, or injustice, is realizing that you CAN. It seems to me that this is often overlooked: there's so much emphasis on bad words, naughty words, hate speech or doing/not doing specific things. (My school just had an anti bullying day so I saw many of these strategies attempted). But I think the single biggest thing stopping people from standing up to bullying behaviours is realizing that it is actually an option. Canadians, in particular, are really good at being bystanders. I've witness a fist fight break out on a public transit station and people literally just stood there like nothing was happening. It takes conscious effort to break out of that "freeze" reaction and do something, but one you realize you can, it's harder to argue yourself out of doing it. So while I'm not happy that children hit each other, perhaps it's just as well to learn early that (unfortunately) this stuff happens and we all have to think about and practice how to stop it.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-49292351901833899672017-02-27T10:35:15.819-08:002017-02-27T10:35:15.819-08:00Ugh, hitting is hard. You don't want to judge ...Ugh, hitting is hard. You don't want to judge the parents because they might be doing all the "right" things for that kid to stop the hitting, and you don't want to judge the kid, because they're tiny, but then they're hitting other kids... It sounds like the daycare has a really good approach. I firmly believe that you have to take the long view towards changing kids' behaviors, and especially since you can't force the hitting to stop unless you just hold the kid down all day, then you really have to think about what kind of adult you're creating (intentionally or otherwise) with the approach you're taking to stopping the behavior. And, of course, any approach you take has to be one that you're willing to take over and over, every time, for a long time.<br />My son went through a hitting phase--now, he only does it every once in a while to me when he's really mad, and he's getting much, much better about stopping himself. I can just feel the frustration, like there's almost little comic stink lines of frustration wafting up from him. But man, you can bet we were trying everything we could think of, and we took his hitting even more seriously than any of his teachers, or the parents of any of the kids he hit.<br />From the other perspective, my daughter (5) is totally the kid who tries to solve problems between the other kids. Of course, I love what kind of kid she's turned out to be, but I also love it for her, because it's so good for her to be thinking in those terms and getting that practice. It's also a great example for the other kids and helps set a great attitude for her classroom. But maybe most of all is, I love that it comes from such a place of confidence and then builds up that confidence at the same time.emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10445546756521231621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-39918894752706757502017-02-24T13:28:06.549-08:002017-02-24T13:28:06.549-08:00Yes, it made me smile to write this post!Yes, it made me smile to write this post!torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-46723324087265536312017-02-24T12:05:04.521-08:002017-02-24T12:05:04.521-08:00Wins all around, for sure!Wins all around, for sure!Caroline @ In Due Timehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16261569299914107796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-83180383862837804282017-02-22T15:37:39.655-08:002017-02-22T15:37:39.655-08:00I hear you. It's hard to know what is right an...I hear you. It's hard to know what is right and when it comes to children so much depends on the individual. But the parent's example is powerful, much more powerful than words alone. What I meant by "not pressuring" is not berating along the lines of "Why aren't you more assertive? What's wrong with you?" (implied if not stated). That doesn't build confidence (in my experience). For a sensitive, cautious person, I think it would be better to teach her how her emotions are an asset, because they let her know when something is unjust or wrong. And when she gets the message, then it's time to decide to act. Then you would go over specific things that can be done in a situation (make it concrete, not vague). Also teaching through story can be very powerful. I remember reading a story (fiction, I assume) about George Washington defending a boy against some bullies. I forget the exact premise, but the boy was Washington's "enemy" in the sense he was on the other side of the revolutionary war, but Washington still defended him because it was wrong for the other boys to bully him, regardless of what side of the war he was one. Then the boy ended up being an agent for Washington or something. That story made a lasting impression on me, much more than being told to be more assertive.<br /><br />Don't get too caught up in "the news" (I am very cynical about what is called "news" these days). Seek out things that give you energy and fulfillment!torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-52882327909839958232017-02-22T14:00:51.231-08:002017-02-22T14:00:51.231-08:00I am a bit cynical and not very nice or generous t...I am a bit cynical and not very nice or generous to other humans on the internet (I am not a troll, I never leave nasty comments but I do roll my eyes a lot), so about half an hour is all I can put up with in regards to other people and their stupidity. Of course there are good and helpful and smart people out there, but having to wade through all the bull shit on the message boards just pisses me off. So only half an hour. I can waste much more time in other internet pursuits (hello Wikipedia). <br /><br />Sometimes I wish I had been pressured more to be more assertive. Maybe since I spent most of my life being too shy or too anxious to stand up for myself or anyone else, one of my biggest regrets is that it took so long for me to become assertive (and I am still not as assertive as I would like to be). I don't want to put pressure on bubs & bubs2 (even if I wish someone had pressured me) and will do my best to teach them and lead by example. All the crap happening in the US right now has really made me feel like I need to stand up much more for my ideals, for what I know to be right, whereas in the past I have almost always backed away from confrontation. I don't just mean in political discourse, but in every aspect of life. I am maybe too wound up right now from reading the news- might be time to go do some rage cleaning ;) rather than leaving long somewhat rant-y comments!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11125140828976265146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-56984523145387947172017-02-21T18:39:16.851-08:002017-02-21T18:39:16.851-08:00You only waste half an hour? Good for you lol. Yea...You only waste half an hour? Good for you lol. Yeah, no matter what weird thing I'm experiencing I can find someone else who also has. That's sort of nice but it still doesn't predict anything about the future. I agree with everything you say about assertiveness. It's a matter of trying to teach assertiveness in a positive way, to play to the child's personal and social awareness. I don't want AJ to feel pressured to be something she isn't, as I sometimes was. torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-90619864479463670332017-02-21T18:32:37.031-08:002017-02-21T18:32:37.031-08:00Yeah, I know I'm not likely to learn a single ...Yeah, I know I'm not likely to learn a single useful by googling, but somehow o can convince that if I know one more fact, or rather one more persons random experience it will change something. Which it doesn't. But will I ever change....dunno, maybe lol. I am so proud of all AJ is learning. She is getting much more verbal and social, and when I look at her I think people must be truly good inside, which is something I have a hard time believing the rest of the time.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-91865462426366064682017-02-21T11:02:30.563-08:002017-02-21T11:02:30.563-08:00I find message boards to be the most useless thing...I find message boards to be the most useless things ever! Sometimes when I have something very specific I want to look at I end up reading through them, looking for similar experiences or whatever. It is always a mistake and by the time I have read through enough useless replies and bad spelling/grammar/too many shorthand terms I don't understand, I am usually no wiser and have wasted half an hour! I agree that it is best to not feed the crazy- a lesson I have to relearn periodically! <br /><br />Great news that you ovulated on your own! Small victories should always be celebrated. I am not sure how to TTC with emotional detachment (well, the first two weeks are usually fine, but the two week wait is a bit of a killer!) but I wish you well.<br /><br />What a great thing to hear about AJ! My bubs is cautious like AJ, and I think takes after both her parents that way. I hope we can teach her to stand up for herself and for others as she gets older- to be honest, it helps give me the courage to do it, when I think of her or hear examples like this! So good job AJ and to you and Mr. Turtle! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11125140828976265146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5227945636407573872.post-1915402890274153862017-02-21T07:51:21.659-08:002017-02-21T07:51:21.659-08:00Hanging on to those small victories can give you a...Hanging on to those small victories can give you a bit of a boost, even if it doesn't result in the big victory. I can see those chat rooms not being super helpful, I could see that muddling things more than bringing clarity or new information. What a wonderful child AJ is! To be so sensitive, such an advocate for others, to take those positive messages from adults and put them into practice. Such a moment of pride! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.com