I finally have my photos up to date and organized! I use Go.ogle Pic.asa, which I know some people dislike because it's a bit like the Borg and it takes over your whole computer, but my photo situation is so chaotic I need the Borg. Up until July, I was creating a monthly album for AJ and emailing it out to family. After July I kind of lost it, and I didn't get the albums up to date until today. I also sent 511 photos to print, which means that in theory AJ may have a baby book by her first birthday (for now I've decided to go the scrapbook route rather than the photo book route) and our house will have updated photos on the walls. Maybe even in time for (Canadian) Thanksgiving dinner.
Speaking of which, going through the photos from the past year was a good excuse to dwell on gratitude, and let go of some anxiety and worry. Resolution and completion have not been the themes of my life lately, and it leaves me feeling scattered. Whether I'm at work or at home or somewhere else, it is really hard to finish projects and have the sense of accomplishment. I know in my head what to do, but the time runs away, the tasks multiply, technology breaks down, the baby crawls, someone behaves badly, the principal calls an 8am meeting, a kid hits my car...And I just want to go home/hug AJ/watch TV/eat cheese/read a book/go for a walk/hug Mr. Turtle. Since I'm not very good at being a martyr that's usually exactly what I do. But I still have this supposedly ideal life in my head. And it can make me anxious.
But the past year has been a year of consciousness-exploding change and growth and miracles. This time last year we were still waiting for "Ember" to make her appearance. Nobody knew for sure when or how! Pregnancy was an amazing trans-formative experience. As time goes by and my body returns to its ornery ways it's hard to believe that I was capable of such a thing. Thank goodness it's all documented in such detail. On the other hand I do like to feel slender and have boobs that don't draw small objects into orbit with their gravitational force. Even more amazing though is how AJ has transformed from a tiny newborn into this.....person.
This picture collage tells the tale of two Octobers:
In the right photo AJ looks like she's assessing a real estate deal, makes me giggle every time.
I also have a resolution. I'm not going to apologize for things, not unless I've done something really rude or harmful, which I don't think happens much. But I'm not going to apologize for not having everything up to the ideal in my mind (or the ideal in someone else's mind, for that matter). I'm going to try to respect the energy I have and the difference it makes in the world.