Friday 23 January 2015

12 weeks / 3 months

AJ was 12 weeks last Wednesday, and her 3 month birthday is next week on the 29th.

Wow.

In a way it's harder for me to see the changes in her, because I am with her 24/7. Those who see her once a week or less, or even Mr. Turtle who is away from her most workdays, always exclaim on how different she is.  Which is odd for me to hear, because every change just makes her a little more herself.

I have moments of "Oh my!" It's impossible not to notice that AJ is heavier. She must be about twice her birth weight now. At some point, while nursing, I noticed her head is finally (almost?) bigger than the gigantoboobs. And of course, I experience the smiles, vocalizations, her increased facility in reaching and grabbing, her interest in her reflection. But so far even those developments have been gradual. AJ will start doing something occasionally, and then over time she does it more often and more consistently.



What else - AJ is an effective night sleeper for the most part. I often wake her up to feed because my boobs are getting uncomfortable. (She'll usually be in a light sleep - tossing and turning). We like to sleep in in the morning and I avoid scheduling visitors or appointments in the morning if I can help it. She has a few naps in the afternoon, and will follow a pattern of feed, play, sleep, poop at some point, and repeat.  She doesn't commit to sleep till around 11pm. I didn't even think twice about this until I read about moms "putting baby to sleep" at 7 or 8 pm! But I don't mind because if she went to bed that early her dad would have almost no time with her. Also I don't want to go to bed that early and I still don't like her to be too far from me when she's sleeping.

Reading about other moms' sleep and nap "schedules" makes me wonder if I'm a lazy parent, but we're happy and she's healthy so I'm not worried about it. I think schedules are more important for moms with more than one child, and/or moms who actually care about when/if they get stuff done. Unless I write it down, I have no idea when anything happens or how long it takes. Doesn't seem to matter.

I know I said I wouldn't look back too much, but there's something about the power of 3s that's compelling me. I have vivid memories of our 3 month milestones.

3 months ago, AJ was born. I remember seeing her wiggle in the doctor's hands moments after my contraction finished, and cry a few seconds after that. I couldn't see her whole face when they put her on my chest, just the top of her head, and I was so curious what she looked like, but afraid to disturb her. She was crawling up my chest and nuzzling to feed, and her little knitted hat kept coming off.

6 months ago, we entered the 3rd trimester. Mr. Turtle and I celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary by taking an evening "cruise" on the same boat on which we were married. There was a jazz band playing (same musicians that played at our wedding). It was a very different evening from our wedding day however, which had been sunny and calm. On our anniversary it was rainy and stormy with a haze of wild fire smoke. I told the captain (he's an old friend our ours) that if the boat started to sink I was going to be first into the life boat. I also had crampy pains (gas?) and kept worrying about pre-term labour. But despite that it was a fun evening.

9 months ago, we had our 12 week scan that showed "Ember" wiggling and healthy. I was so grateful for the printed report they gave us. It was full of clinical terms like live intrauterine gestation. Those words were more beautiful than prize-winning poetry to me.  Afterwards we dropped our car off  to be detailed, and walked to our favourite dive and had burgers. Mr. Turtle returned to work excited to tell his colleagues about the pregnancy, and I went home and blogged.

And most mysteriously of all, about a year ago AJ  was conceived. Looking at her I can't believe she started with the union of two cells. I know it happens a million times a day and isn't even wanted or appreciated a lot of the time, but the miracle of it still blows my mind. I don't know if I would feel so much awe if we hadn't gone through all the infertility stuff. Of course I would have loved and cherished my child, but I might have felt just that little bit entitled. Now I'm lost in wonder. I have to consciously set the wonder and awe aside to get on with my day. After two and a half years of charting, monitoring, medical tests and failed treatments, we thought there was no more mystery left. But mystery - and grace - found us anyway.

I think AJ is waking up....so on with our evening!

16 comments:

  1. I love the pictures! Especially the smiling one. I haven't figured out the night feeding yet either with uncomfortable boobs that wake me up when Zelly is still sleeping. I don't think you're a lazy parent at all. Forget the books or comparisons to what others do (I totally need to do this as well). Very interesting 3 month vivid memories.

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    1. thanks! Yes, I always swore I would not compare and would do what made sense to me, and that was always my advice to others lol. But then I read something and start to wonder if I'm missing something important! appreciate the thoughts.

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  2. Wow! She has grown so much! What a cutie! Amazing the changes a year can make!

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    1. she is terribly cute right now...of course I may always be saying that! yes, I would barely have recognized myself a year ago!

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  3. Here's to many more months and years of pure magic, and incredible joy. :)

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  4. Awe she's so cute, love the pictures!
    I never used a schedule with Sawyer and remember feeling insecure about that too. I kept wondering what I was missing then that other parents understood about parenting because to me the schedule was an unnecessary complication. We did fine without it and found that over time Sawyer settled into a sort of schedule anyway, for nap times etc. I'm sure I'll have to implement one with the twins though!
    I'm sorry about your mom. It must be tough to watch her fight her illness from the sideline.
    I had wanted to comment earlier but have been at the Foothills due to PPROM. 30 weeks 5 days today. They just hooked me up with WiFi so it's great to read some blogs and kill the time that way :)

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    1. Hi Romy, sorry to hear about the PPROM. I'm thinking of you and hoping things go well for you all. Hang in there! Thanks for the vote of confidence. :-) I feel too that schedule seems like an unnecessary complication and that it just feels simpler to go with the flow. Glad to hear this worked for other people. Thanks too for the kind words about my mom. Just taking things as they come as we don't know the full extent of the situation, though at this point it looks to be manageable. Hugs to you and hope you and the twins continue to get good care and support.

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  5. Thanks :) It's times like this that I wish I had a blog myself. They found that the babies haven't grown much (baby A not at all and baby B only 100 grams) in 2 weeks and it's brought on tonnes of anxiety because I don't trust my body and I want these babies safely in the NICU instead. And of course no one irl would understand because they haven't dealt with infertility. It sucks to see time and time again that you can never be fully cured of infertility.

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    1. It's so hard not to trust your body and to worry about the baby or babies that are relying on it. Sending many hugs and support! I'm confident that your family and medical team are going to make good decisions regarding the best outcome for the twins and you. Thank you for the updates. I don't know much about twin pregnancies but there are others out there in the blogger community that do; I hope you can connect with them if it would help! I know Kimberly at No Good Eggs had twins at 29 weeks and they are doing great. But in the meantime, will be thinking of you and sending good wishes.

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    2. Thanks :) And sorry for hijacking your blog space but since you posted this comment I wanted to update you: my body decided for us by dilating from 3 to 10 cm in 2 hours and I had my boys at 31 weeks exactly on January 27. They're in the Foothills NICU and doing well :)

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    3. Fantastic news! Wow, that's some fast labour; I guess the twins were meant to be on the outside. So glad your boys are doing well in the NICU. I'm thrilled that you updated. No worries about "hijacking." I could totally post about your news - don't want to do so without asking if it's OK though. Congratulations again! I hope you all continue in good health and won't be surprised if I don't hear from you for a while, but will be thinking of your family and happy to hear more!!

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  6. What a smile--she's so cute! I love the retrospective. As much as you want to live in the present, it's hard to forget how you got here. Your milestone are so very sweet.

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    1. thanks. Yes, there is a lot of good things to look back on. I guess the months I didn't want to look back on (most of them) were January and February :-) After that lots of good memories. The smiles are the best, well, everything is the best really.

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  7. Whatever you're doing has made your baby into one happy beautiful person, so I think to hell with what everyone else does! You're both thriving xx

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    1. Aw, thank you. Yes she is beautiful. You're right, I feel really good (for the most part) and AJ is usually a happy baby. :-)

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