Monday 6 January 2014

Shoot 'em up

As of today I have started all my drugs.
For anyone just dropping in, this is IVF#1, Flare Protocol.

Down regulation started on Saturday January 4th with Suprefact, 80 IU, subcutaneous injection, twice a  day.

Ovarian stimulation started today January 6th, with Menopur, 150 IU, subcutaneous injection, once in the afternoon.

and Gonal-F, 450 IU, subcutaneous injection, once in the afternoon.

So far, this has all been

......really quite easy. I'm scared to say it, can you tell? I keep waiting for the carnage to start.

I have a system of alarms going to keep me in line. First alarm, on my clock,  rings at 5:45 on weekdays so that I get up and do waking up things. Next alarm, also on clock, rings at 7:10am every day to alert me to get ready for first dose of Suprefact and to take the Gonal-F pen out of the fridge. After that I'm on my own until my watch alarm goes at 3:45 to remind me to get the hell away from work (not always that easy) and home.  On weekends, the alarm goes at 4:10pm. Between 4:15 and 5:00, I do the Gonal-F and Menopur shots. Then I'm free as a bird until 7:10pm, when watch alarm rings every day to remind me to do do the second shot of Suprefact, 12 hours after the morning one.

In between all that I have to remember to take antibiotics, with breakfast and supper (no dairy allowed), and my folic acid, DHEA, CoQ10, and low dose aspirin (no alarms left to remind me of those, I've used up all the ringing devices).

Naturally I am curious about the side effects of the injectable drugs. Here's what I found on information included with the prescriptions, or on the fertility clinic website:

Suprefact:
The Suprefact® injection is used to shut off or turn down your own hormone production in your pituitary gland and prevent you from ovulating too early. This results in a lowered estrogen level and the common side effects of hot flashes, mood swings and headaches.

I haven't had any hot flashes yet, and based on how people describe them, I'd think I'd know if I was having them. Mood swings, maybe. Headaches, yes, although I am not sure if it is the Suprefact or our crazy weather and changing barometric pressure causing it.

Menopur:
Breast tenderness, bloating, flushing, vomiting, nausea and diarrhea. They are temporary and will resolve once treatment is stopped. Other adverse reactions may include allergic sensitivity such as a rash or local swelling near the injection site. The greatest concern is Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. Ovarian enlargement can be accompanied by abdominal bloating and and pain, and may occur in 20% of women taking gonadotropins.

Gonal-F
Breast tenderness, fatigue, bloating, weight gain, nausea, or diarrhea. Ovarian Hyperstimulation. Same as Menopur, basically.

Since I only started the stimulation today, I don't suppose I'll notice any side effects for a while. Maybe fatigue, but hard to say if the fatigue is caused by drugs or by the emotional intensity of this experience. Although I think I'm doing a pretty good job of being calm, Stoic, and rational, well, it still takes an effort to be that way, and it's tiring. When I go to bed at night, it's with the exhaustion of someone who simply doesn't want to be awake and doing or thinking anything anymore.

I can't connect any of this with actually having a baby one day, and I don't want to. Honestly, I don't think this shit will get real until at least until my next ultrasound (Sunday January 12th) when we get to see if there are actually any follicles growing in there. Scheduling injections is easy, stabbing myself with needles goes against human instinct but is doable.....all the emotions and hopes and dreams....that's hard.

But on that topic, I have to say that I've gotten some amazing support so far. Yesterday I sent an email to three key people at work: my co-teacher, the assistant principal who I report to, and my department head. I had previously told them about the IVF cycle, but in this email I got quite specific about "this is what I am doing and this is how you need to accommodate/support me."

All the responses I received were kind and supportive and made me feel yet more grateful for the people I work with. But the one from my department head went a step beyond.  She said that she was "crossing all her fingers and toes" for me and Mr. Turtle. She knows it can be an "emotional rollercoaster" and to let her know if she can do anything to help out. And, if I need a place to take a break, I can come to such-and-such a room which is never used.

Gulp.

There's two reasons she wrote that email. One, someone near and dear went through IVF, or two, she went through it.

It's awful when people misunderstand infertility and treatments, but it also breaks my heart a little when someone understands so well.

16 comments:

  1. I'm feeling grateful things have been feeling easy for you! Those shots can be daunting but you're handling it so well. I hope they remain easy and side-effect free! And what a support system at your work. I'm glad you were honest about your needs and everyone was receptive and supportive. My comment on your last entry looks like it didn't save, so I'll repeat the most important part: happy belated birthday! I hope this is your year <3

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    1. Thank you for the good wishes Adi! Yeah, so far my biggest worry has been doing the shots "wrong" somehow - but the process is quite logical, so I think I'm doing fine. I really hope 2014 is a good year for all of us!

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  2. You have a rockstar attitude going in to this, lady. I didn't have any side effects from either the Gonal F or Menopur, and I was on similar doses to you. Except for the Menopur good old nun pee burn, that is. I always found the days of stimming to be a mini roller-coaster for me. Calm for a day or two, then jittery before scans, the either up or down depending on how the scan went. I hope you have some good follicles growing in there! And yeah, whenever someone "understands" IVF too well, I always feel terrible that they had to go through it.

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    1. Yeah, I think I'll be pretty nervous about the scan once it gets closer - right now I can kind of pretend that I'm just doing shots for the fun of it. Weird way to have fun, but I take a kind of perverse pleasure in being systematic about it and doing each each step carefully. Thanks for the kind words - I'm trying to keep a good attitude as I know it's one of the few things I actually can control. Sending good wishes your way too!

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  3. It's wonderful you're feeling so in control and calm about all this! I am truly impressed, because honestly, just setting all those alarms on different devices would probably be enough to get the better of me....I really hope that the 12th shows stellar results and am crossing everything for this to be "it" for you!
    Yeah, it's definitely sad how many people have to experience this stuff, but I'm also glad you have that kind of support in your workplace.

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    1. Hahaha, yes getting all the alarms right took some thought, but I rather enjoy the challenge of setting up a system (after all, I'm a teacher and spend my days going from bell to bell). If I had some cool devices like a smart phone or iPad, I'm sure I could find an app that would work. But I haven't quite mastered them. I'm really grateful for the support at work because my work is very important to me too, and I'd hate for that to be a cause of tension. Thanks for the kind words.

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  4. I've had my best luck with a similar protocol--we call it the microdose Lupron, but I figure it's the same thing. Shut down the pituitary and amp up the synthetic hormones. It's actually the only protocol that works for me at all. My only real side effect is exhaustion, and like you I can never tell if it's a side effect or if it's the emotional roller coaster of the IF cycle. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks, I'm glad to hear of luck with a similar protocol! That gives me hope. So far, only side effects are headaches (usually coming on in afternoon), exhaustion/apathy, and an abiding sense that my life has gotten just a bit weird (although I'm trying hard to normalize it.) Wishing you the best with everything this new year too!

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  5. It sounds like you're approaching this in the best way - and far more relaxed and level headed than I would be. Glad you have the support - although I agree, we all shudder a little at the empathy as it means others have gone down this road, too. Godspeed to the 12th!

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    1. Thank you Sarah! I think I'm calm right now because I just don't dare think or speculate too much. I'm paying a lot of attention to the trees and not so much the forest, but I think that's OK for now. I'm very grateful for those who have gone down the road and lived to tell the tale.

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  6. Wow, that is quite a schedule. Thank goodness for phone alarms! Congrats on starting IVF. I'm really excited for you! And that's great that your co-workers were so supportive.

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    1. Thanks! I rather enjoy working out schedules - and it helps me to relax because then I don't have to overthink things. Working so far. Thanks for the good wishes.

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  7. Looks like you're managing everything beautifully. You're very organized and have established a good relationship with your bosses.

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, I'm so grateful for those good relationships. The woman who wrote the very generous and understanding email was actually someone whom I had some tension with in the past. I'm glad for a whole lot of reasons that we've moved beyond that in the past 2 years, but this situation is yet another one.

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  8. Wishing you guys the very best this cycle!! We should start on Friday pending everything goes well. I have alamrs set already too! Thinking and praying for you guys!! xo

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    1. Thank you Kasey! Those good wishes mean so much to me. It's good to hear your alarms are all ready to go haha! thinking of you too.

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