Two little ones.
I didn't respond to the drugs.
We knew this could happen, that it was in fact the most likely thing to happen. It still really stinks to be here dealing with it.
Based on the lack of ovarian response, and my bloodwork, the doctor recommended cancelling the IVF cycle. But she also said that since I have 2 days worth of drugs left (today and tomorrow) and since they can't be returned, I can give it two more days and see what happens. Nothing is likely to change dramatically, but we opted to do two more days on the medication and go in for another ultrasound on Tuesday. If nothing else, I don't feel any desire to hang on to my IVF drugs after a failed cycle.
If one of the follicles can grow bigger, we have the option to convert to an IUI. Of course that may or may not be possible due to sperm quantity/quality after the wash. So many Ifs, and not even likely ones. But, well, I guess I can slog through the swamps of uncertainty and diminishing returns a little longer. After all, I did know it could be like this, and I did make the decision to try IVF anyway, so at the very least I can have the courage of my convictions.
I think the worst thing - at least for now - is knowing that nothing I do can make any difference. I feel tired but unable to really rest either.
It's a fork in the road. Down one path was the possibility that this IVF cycle would work. With my poor response, that hope is fading. If we had at least gotten to the stage of conceiving an embryo, even if we didn't achieve a pregnancy, then maybe it might have been worthwhile to try IVF again. Since we most likely won't......I'm not sure I see the point of doing IVF again with our gametes, unless the doctor recommends it, which I really doubt she will.
Down the other fork in the road....whatever comes after this. Donor egg IVF is our plan B. It's a long way from feeling real, but everything begins with a first step. It's sad and little scary to start walking down the dark unknown road, knowing that we are most likely leaving the crossroads and the other path behind forever. But, well, I suppose every unknown path is dark and scary at first. I'm find my optimism again I'm sure. Maybe not today though, and maybe not this week.
For now....I suppose one can always hope for some super miracle eggs to grow in 2 days. I'm not very hopeful, but I can live through another two days.
Here we go round the prickly pear Prickly pear prickly pear Here we go round the prickly pear At five o’clock in the morning.