Friday, 18 October 2013

Creepy Crow

I was walking to work today, and I saw a crow standing on the sidewalk ahead of  me. This was not unexpected, so I didn't pay much attention to it until I was almost beside it, and the crow hadn't flown away. My first thought was: the crow must be injured, because injured birds can't fly away. But not only was this crow not flying, it wasn't moving at all. It was perfectly still. Puzzled, I took a closer look. It looked like a real crow in every way, except that when I looked closely at one foot, there was a small piece of metal showing.

There was a fake crow on the sidewalk.

On either side of the street, the houses were decorated with almost extravagant Halloween decor: ghosts, zombies, giant neon spiders, witches, pumpkins. Nothing was as creepy as that fake crow standing in the middle of the sidewalk.  It made my stomach turn over a little (although it tends to do that in the morning, anyway.)

I eventually walked away, unsettled, unable to not wonder: what is up with that? Did the crow fall from somewhere? but then, how likely that it would land on its feet?  Was it some sort of decoy? Yah, for what? And why put it where people walk? Was this someone's idea of a joke? If so, how do you even come up with that? Wouldn't it be hilarious to put a very realistic fake bird on the sidewalk and watch people freak out?   Um, OK?

Now for the fertility-related content of this entry, which has nothing at all to do with the fake crow, at least not yet. (But I <3 a great metaphor, so just watch me figure out how to relate it all together by the end.)

I am (just possibly?) in the middle of a long-ish cycle. At least I think it's going to go longer. My last 3 cycles have been between 18 and 24 days, with ovulation, or attempted ovulation around CD 9-11. I spotted for much longer at the beginning of this cycle, so I had a  hunch that it would be different. Longer AF for me usually means a longer cycle. 

I've started charting BBT again and Dr. Q bugged me to use OPKs, so I started doing that too, starting at CD 10. Now,  I hardly ever get a positive OPK. I have a couple of theories for that: 1) crappy ovaries! 2) I pee so often that the LH surge isn't concentrated enough to detect. OPK instructions say don't pee for 4 hours before using the OPK, which is ridiculous because if I held it that long I would go septic or something.

So, this cycle I had negatives from day 10 until day 15. Day 16 was last Saturday, and a fairly awesome day so I forgot about the OPK till almost midnight. When I finally remembered I decided to go ahead and use it, what the hell. Positive! Well, wow. I took another the following day, at about noon. Still  positive. Mr. Turtle and I got together, fun times were had by all and I wondered if I should be a little bit happy and hopeful. Perhaps the appointments with Dr. Q were having some effect on my ovulation? Or I was having a lucky month? 

Well, I don't know about that. I proceeded to get bummed out when BBT refused to rise between Monday and Wednesday. It fell and rose slightly and fell again, never rising to what I consider normal for my luteal phase. I possibly had fertile signs again between Monday and Wednesday. I had run out of OPKs so I did not use any more of those. Of course I still had the OPK instruction booklet which informed me that certain things could have caused a false positive such as pregnancy (no) or menopause (fuck!).  I decided to think positively: maybe I was still in my fertile window after all. Mr. Turtle and I got together again for more good times. If nothing else, I needed to be held and loved and be given some reason for hope. Waited for BBT to rise. Still only a tiny rise.

In between all this wondering and half-hoping and having half-hope crushed (why does it still hurt when it's only half-hope?) I woke up and went to work and attended to my responsibilities, albeit with a depleted will to live. My fertile and/or infertile signs are as hard to understand as a fake crow standing in the middle of the sidewalk. (told you I could do it.)

Things got slightly better today. I went for my weekly appointment with Dr. Q. She was more optimistic about my chart than I was, saying the positive OPK on CD 16/17 was a good sign, and that another patient of hers with early ovulation issues had gotten pregnant the month that she ovulated on CD 17. My low BBT still makes me dubious if I ovulated at all, but the Ovacue readings have risen a little in the past couple of days so who knows, maybe it will go up yet.

Other than that, I'm glad that it's Friday, that I can go to sleep anytime I want to, that it's the weekend tomorrow, that I did some therapy shopping this afternoon on a budget, and that the fake crow was nowhere in sight when I walked home today. Maybe it flew away when I wasn't looking.

12 comments:

  1. How unsettling! I probably would have been tickled to find him, but I'm odd :) But what an exciting cycle! Stupid running out of strips! So irritating. Can you see your doctor for some bloodwork to check if you ovulated? Or do you want to keep this cycle low-key (as possible)? Anyway. Best of luck!!

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    1. hahahaha! I might have been intrigued by the fake crow too, if it wasn't so unexpected and it wasn't first thing in the morning. I still have some hopes for this cycle, even though it is a bit bizarre. Different from the usual MIGHT be better. I suppose it's technically possible to find out if I O'd, but since I'm already a patient at the fertility clinic and technically just putting in time till IVF, it doesn't really feel worth the trouble. Fitting appointments into my schedule is always challenging.

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  2. First, how weird is that about the crow?? Ha, but I love how you tied it in to an infertility metaphor. I am also a metaphorical thinker and love me a good comparison :) I'm sorry about the confusing ovulation signs. I have always found OPKs to be unreliable. I've had cycles where I got positives for a WEEK with no temp rise. Then there was the cycle I got pregnant where I got no positive OPKs at all, but obviously must have ovulated. After the loss my OPKs were all over the place and I ovulated somewhere around CD 31. And since my surgery, I've had positive OPKs with no temp rise. Sigh. So I can understand the frustration. Glad you got in some retail therapy and can sleep in this weekend! You deserve a little pampering.

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    1. Interesting. I know there are lots of people for whom OPKs don't work, or don't always work, but it always kind bugged me that I didn't get to have that reassurance. There's just so many other uncertainties, I wish I was able to count on something to tell me what's going on! Well, we'll just hang in there I guess, one step at a time.

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  3. Oh so creepy! I also have an awful time with OPKs. I would get positives for weeks or randomly in the middle of a cycle when it shouldn't even be remotely close to positive. So frustrating! Praying for you!!

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    1. Thanks! It makes me feel better to know that other people share similar experiences of wonky cycles and random OPKs, although I'm sure it would be better for all of us if we didn't LOL! thank you for the prayers. Same to you.

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  4. I laughed when I saw that you did make a connection of your fertility to the creepy crow. You know my cycle was a bit like that last month. I used to O on CD9 or 10. Since I started acupuncture, it moved to CD 12 or 13. The last cycle, I didn't get a positive OPK until CD 16. And temp didn't rise for another 4 days. What the heck. The body is such a mysterious thing. I hope that you have had a great weekend tho and have slept all you want!

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    1. Isn't that crazy. I'm glad to hear that acupuncture seems to have been able to delay your ovulation. That is the goal for my treatments (one of them). Dr. Q is very convinced that delaying ovulation will help with my fertility, and I'll try anything (within reason) so I'm not disagreeing :-) Glad to hear I'm not the only one with a delayed temp rise. It just drives me a bit batty because sometimes I just really, really want to believe my body is doing what it should be doing!

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  5. That crow story is weird and creepy and I love it. I love Halloween and the thought that someone is creative enough to just go dump a crow on the sidewalk rather than all the usual decorations. If that's in fact how it happened. Not knowing is part of the fun!

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    1. If it was a Halloween prank, it was very creative. And I'm sure if whoever put it there was able to watch from their windows, they got a lot of giggles at peoples' reactions. At least if people's reactions were somewhat like mine. I bet a lot of people just walked by the crow without noticing.

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  6. Is it wierd that random stuff like that creepy crow story makes me happy? I'd love it if that happened to me! (And I'm envious of the whole Hallowe'en environment you've got going on - Brits have recently adopted it and think that they 'get' it, but they soo don't...Sorry England!)

    I'm sorry your cycle is proving confusing. I always had the same problems with OPKs. I drink a lot of water during the day, so I think that had an effect. You're right; who holds it for 4 hrs and is still healthy?! I finally gave them up and just went with my body's other signs (though I never temped, because that would have been crazy making for me).

    I hope your weekend and the retail therapy were lovely and soothing, and that you get to experience lots more spooky fun for the rest of the month!

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    1. Haha,I'm glad you enjoyed my crow story. You're right; in hindsight it really is rather hilarious and whoever put it on the sidewalk was clever. But for that to be the first thing I saw in the morning.....creeeeeepy!

      I am rather comforted by all the tales of people who have difficulties with OPKs. It makes me feel less pathetic.

      Temping can be crazy making. I stopped temping for several months, but since Dr. Q is working so hard to analyze and regulate my cycle, I thought I'd help by collecting data. It's actually a bit easier now that I'm not doing it with dewy-eyed hopes of an easy pregnancy. Often my temp chart is fairly textbook, but this cycle it is all over the place, just like everything else. One day at a time.

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