Monday, 22 July 2013

Back!

I am back from a great week on Gabriola.  Mr. Turtle and I savoured the time together, and had lots of  fun walking, reading on the beach, kayaking, biking, and eating and resting. Pictures soon. I  have a very bad case of vacation hangover today. I had to go get my second chicken pox vaccination, which I promptly followed up with a long nap. Poor Mr. Turtle had to go to work today; I do hope he is doing better than I am. My goals for today include doing the bare minimum of chores and buying enough groceries to keep us alive, and catching up on IComLeavWe. Yeah blogs!

Last week wasn't a good week for our extended family, as there were two deaths. Such is the incongruity of life. Sometimes I think that the main lesson of getting older (maturing? getting wiser? Ha!) is that the happy things and the sad things are all mixed up together, and - surprise! - nobody actually has the power to sort them out and hand you only the happy pile.  Long term happiness must be about eating your "mixed salad" with the minimum of bitterness.

In fertility news, the cycle that I was delighted last 28 days has now lasted 40 days (I think? I kinda lost count on holiday) with on-off spotting and 2 BFNs. Of course after a certain point I took a pregnancy  test. Unlike many women who become addicted to "peeing on a stick," I hate testing for pregnancy. Those nasty little sticks are 1) expensive (I'm sure this is because the manufacturers are GREEDY, not because there is anything inherently valuable about them) and 2) I associate them with futility and defeat.  I wait to test till long after a test should be able to detect a pregnancy (about 3 weeks after conception could possibly have taken place in this case).

This time around there was some additional angst because I had had a Chicken Pox vaccine on June 7th (sub cutaneous; live virus).When The Fertility Clinic did my bloodwork they found out I did not have immunity against that nasty little disease. Chicken Pox can be transmitted in utero and can cause birth defects, so all women trying to get pregnant should get the vaccine before getting pregnant. However, you are supposed to prevent pregnancy for a month after taking the vaccine (so that there is no chance of the fetus being infected). Well, we didn't bother with birth control after the vaccine because after all, we have built-in birth control, right? So I went through quite the muddle of emotions when The Period was late (or possibly late; it's hard to tell with my cycles).  Incidentally, there is no record of the vaccine harming a pregnancy although the disease can.  Anyway, I have now had my 2 vaccines, I am Not Pregnant (say the peesticks) and I have no idea when The Period will show, and well....whatever.

Going to get caught up with with everyone else now!

22 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you had a great vacation. That was probably exactly what you needed!

    And you are so right about eating your mixed salad, I love that analogy!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It totally was what I needed. Now I'm looking forward to planning activities for the rest of the summer, including actually cooking and trying some new recipes (which I've been sadly remiss about the past while...although I did clean the whole house!)

      I'm planning to make a salad today .... literal not metaphorical...haha!

      Delete
  2. So glad you had a wonderful trip. Vacation hang overs are the worst- my least favorite part is the laundry catch up game!

    The analogy about the salad is so true. Life is so mixed up with baby's being born and death these days. If Im out attending a happy outing it wont be long before I have to attend a sad.

    Hopefully the acupuncture can help with your cycles too! Wishing you the best!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kasey! I'm doing laundry right now...and the worst is our stinky Five Fingers shoes that we wore in the ocean. Ran them once through the laundry and they stank just as bad afterwards. Gross! trying again with vinegar.

      Yeah, I'm so bewildered about how to respond to the salad of life sometimes - all I can conclude is that you have to accept it all and keep on trying to grow in understanding and compassion. I used to avoid thinking about death and loss in particular, but the past couple of years I've had to confront both. And IF is a kind of loss and grieving, too.

      I'm excited to meet the TCM practitioner and try something new. Evener cycles would be awesome.

      Delete
  3. Yay, I'm glad you had such a great vacation! I can't wait to see pictures. I'm so sorry about the deaths in your family, though.

    I love how you said as we get older, we realize that "the happy things and the sad things are all mixed up together, and - surprise! - nobody actually has the power to sort them out and hand you only the happy pile." So true! I remember in the early years of our marriage, my husband and I had to leave work in a whirlwind and drive out of state to his grandmother's funeral. We were so sad, but also worried about practical concerns, time off work, etc. and as we pulled into a motel to stay the night, I turned to him and said, "So this is what it feels like to be a grown up." He said, "Yeah. It sucks." And all we could do was laugh.

    I can so relate to your hatred of pee sticks. Back in the early days, I used to get excited about taking hpts. But yeah, it's safe to say the thrill is gone :/ I hope your cycle will sort itself out soon and stop causing you stress and confusion. Glad you're back!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Annie! I like hearing how you and your husband can laugh together even in sad, difficult times. You sound so in tune with each other. It's true, you just have to take the crappy with the good (hopefully it's not more crap than one can handle).

    One of the people who died this week was my brother-in-law's mother-in-law (got that? his wife's mother,in other words). It is very sad as my brother in-law's wedding was this past May. I didn't know her well as I'd only met her a couple of times, including at the wedding (though she did have a blog I read). Still, this woman was a great example of how to live in the moment and stay positive even under what a lot of people would call the worst circumstances. By the time of her daughter's wedding her cancer was terminal. Seriously though, other than the bride and groom, I think she was the person who had the most fun. And she look absolutely beautiful, radiant, glowing. The situation is sad and tragic, but there's something else to be taken from it, too.

    I hope one day to have a positive experience with peesticks. Well, I don't really care if peesticks are involved, as long as there's a baby at the end of it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm the same with the pee sticks. I hate testing. It has never ended well. I might have to pee next time I have a trigger shot just so I can see what it feels like to have two lines.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! I can totally understand the feeling.

      Delete
  6. You did catch up on your blog reading. Thank you for the comment.

    Sorry about the extended lost at sea AF and the associated BFNs.

    In my earlier days at this, I did not have to use HPTs, because my body was so screwy perfect with the AF. I wanted it to go away, and it would turn in predictably, time after time. I wanted to do pee sticks but could not.

    Good Luck!

    #6

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Lost at sea AF" I like that! thanks! I tend to use a lot of nautical metaphors so I'll add that to my collection :-p

      "Lost at Sea AF" came into port today (har, har) so I can wave goodbye to the 40 day mindfuck.

      I am usually pretty regular too, which is why I could get away with rarely testing. But I do have some wild cycles that are very different.

      Delete
  7. Your holiday sounds fabulous, so rejuvenating. No wonder you have a bit of a holiday hangover.

    An MIA AF can really mess with your head and those damn POAS are enough to drive a woman batty. If only the results had been different, but at least now you know that you have the chickenpox immunity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mommyinwaiting,
      Thanks for stopping by! Yes, the shot is one more step along the path that will hopefully one day lead to a pregnancy and a baby at the end!

      The Period finally arrived today. Messing with your head is right! Although short cycles are one of my fertility issues, I'm glad this long one is over!

      Delete
  8. Hi from ICLW! Sorry that you're not on holiday any more, it's such a bummer coming back to the real world.
    Second vaccine?! Is this in addition to the one you get as a child? Am i missing a vaccine?! Now i'm worried lol.
    Sorry about having to do tests you hate, hopefully they wont defeat you for too much longer :)
    I love the name of your blog btw!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi K,

      Glad you like the blog name! I wanted something that was meaningful but vague enough that I wouldn't feel "trapped" by the name.

      Re: vaccines
      If you were vaccinated against chicken pox as a child, there is no need to have the vaccination as an adult. A blood test will indicate if you have immunity or not.

      If, as an adult, a woman does NOT have immunity, then she should get the vaccine. It is a small amount of live varicella virus, "specially treated" so as to not make people sick. Some do have mild symptoms (I have had none so far). There are two shots, administered about 6 weeks apart. Couples are supposed to prevent pregnancy for 4 weeks after each shot, to eliminate the chance of passing the disease (should it develop from the vaccine) onto a fetus.

      I hope that clears it up - if you are not sure whether you have immunity, just have a blood test! I had no idea until the fertility clinic requisitioned a million tests.

      Thanks for reading! It is kind of sad to come back from vacay, but I'll just have to make more fun plans for the rest of the summer (I'm on it!)

      Delete
  9. Ugh! That stupid chicken pox shot! Right after learning of our missed miscarriage (but before it had actually passed), the doctor sent me to get my vaccination, since a titer had showed no antibodies (even though I'd had the shot before...)

    When I went to get it, the nurse hounded me whether I was certain I couldn't be pregnant, because otherwise my baby would be born with two heads (or something equally ridiculous). It got to the point where I started to wonder if there was a tiny chance that both ultrasound techs were wrong and we could still have a viable pregnancy... And then I came to my senses and took the shot.

    I wish I'd read your blog post before then. So much needless anxiety!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How awful to be inflicted with that stress (especially in an already heartbreaking situation).

      I am glad that I found the info on the vaccine, and especially the part about their being no recorded cases of it harming a pregnancy, since - won't lie - I did spend some hours lying awake cold with hypothetical guilt.

      Delete
  10. Sorry about your 40 day n counting cycle & the pee stick and it's annoying result! You have been on the road I am travelling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup! The Period did finally arrive - it was a relief for sure, although it's one of the more painful ones (not the worst though)
      Thanks for the check in!

      Delete
  11. Hi from ICLW! I like the name of your blog. I always find it interesting learning about how some people pick their blog names. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying. It sucks. Hugs to you, love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I like dead/rare languages like Old English and Irish/Scots Gaelic and it's fun to borrow words from them, although I have to rely on Google translator for the meanings and I have only a vague idea how to pronounce the words themselves!

      Delete
  12. OMG what an annoying cycle! And I also hate when I finally talk myself into peeing on a stick when I just know it will be negative. Sorry.

    Good luck to you! MFI can definiteyl be overcome with IVF/ICSI!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks for the sympathy Marianne. I also hate buying the preggo tests. I'm terrified of the cashier making some comment about it, or some random person in line (although that has Never happened) and I feel like I have to put on a happy act as I buy it as if I really am preggo and about to confirm it. So ridiculous!

    ReplyDelete